Renew

I'm always fascinated how more church, decorations, gift exchanges, more God, more family dinners, more friends, more celebration and more love- bring us to a renewed space at the end of every year. It really is simple. More of all of those- renews our spirit, our faith our will. Our hope.

The day before Christmas Eve I couldn't stand. My back had given me subtle reminders that it was tired and I pushed long past the "I am about to go out on you totally"... And worked, made dinners, bathed the trips, wrapped presents like a mad woman and did way too many "back breaking things." So when I knew I literally could not go on- bed was my only option.

I prayed for the ability to go to church because If the truth be told- it's my one really, really great moment. It's the peak of motherhood. Silent night, candles, my mema pat, my family, my sweet husband, my healthy triplets...what more could God give? I wanted to hold one of those babies and watch their eyes sparkle at the sight of the candle. I had to have it. So on Christmas eve I took it slow and that night I gritted my teeth in pain- but there we sat, on those old creaky pews at FBC. That, for me, is what Christmas is all about.

Our Christmas decor is all down and packed away and while we made so many memories that are forever stamped in my mind- church for me is the one really biggie. I love the sound their little giggles and feet made coming down the hall on Christmas morning but even more- the sound of them breathing in my ear as we sang silent night. Riggs carried mema Pat's door cluster of jingle bells from room to room with pure joy on his face. They aren't at the age yet to be greedy or want for things. I want to be intentional about staying on this path. I want them to love the spirit and renewal of Christmas, not the greed and the rush that creep in on all of us.

This morning in church I thought about where we have "been" in our lives the last few Christmases. Last year, the word relief comes to mind. Relieved that our babies were home and healthy. The year before, worried and humble comes to mind. I was just about 6 weeks pregnant. We knew it was triplets and were worried but humbled that he had chosen us to carry His precious three children. And the year before, angry and confused would be the words. Angry that another cycle had failed. Confused over His plan for us.

This year I feel renewed. I feel refreshed. I know His plan, or at least I am open to His ever lasting plans and love for us. I always knew He loved us- just felt overwhelmed and never allowed the plans to wash over me. I don't think I have always been open to the plan and I have always walked against the waves and not with the current. This year I have glided closer to Him and I feel whole.

This year we dedicated our three to a life of knowing Jesus. We have submerged them into growing, loving and knowing God. It's been a beautiful year. It's been a gift of 12 months of complete joy. As I type those words, there is and will always be a part of me that remembers the years joy was a hard word to mutter. I also remember sitting in those old creaky pews with a pain and a sense of jealousy. Not being a mom robbed my spirit, robbed my renewal. Hope was lost.

As we jump into 2013 I hope that just one person who is not yet a mom is reading this blog and believing in Gods work. It's right here... He has this wild and beautiful plan for you. Hope. If you do one thing in 2013, I ask you to ride the waves and allow your hope to be restored. Refreshed.

Happy New Year.

Nest

It was wonderful. It was grand. It was the best birthday party I have ever been to. Christmas morning was joy.

I knew the kids, not yet two, had no real idea who Jesus or Santa was, but as a momma, I knew we had started the ball rolling on what Christmas was all about. As they walked down the hall, they took turns squealing like they usually do. When they turned the corner and saw all of the unopened presents- they were in complete amazement. They marched from the train table to the kitchen. They couldn't play with anything for longer than 10 seconds. They kept looking at us like "hey, did you see all of this?!" They giggled and pushed each other out of the way to get to everything in a hurry. GG kept taking wooden food to Alissa {yep, we had our 4th kid home for Christmas morning too} and asking her to open the food. Because they had slept in- it was after breakfast!

The morning was buzzing with joy. We did stockings, presents and babies. My heart was full. And there it all was. Too much joy for my heart. All those years, all those tears. All those moments singing silent night with no little girl/boy {or 3} in my arms. No wonder of what the morning would be like with kids. This was it- this is what it was like. This was what it would be like for years to come.

We gave Alissa some goodies and she gave us some really thoughtful goodies. Including a camera strap for my new rebel that I love, oh so much. I gave whit a nest that he controls with his iPad. He loved it. There was trash everywhere and we needed to clean up and head to aunt Karen's for her big christmas breakfast- but all I could think about was the joy God had given me.

I was reminded of all those bargains I had made with him in my prayers. I remember promising him that I would be the best mom, that I would teach them about Him, that I would teach them love, that I would love them whole-heartedly.

As we collected the trash and the kids played, I asked Whit if he loved his new nest. He said I love it. Then he glanced around the room and said, "how do you like your nest?"

I was speechless. This is exactly what I expected. My heart is full. My nest is full.

I hope you all had a Merry Christmas!

A day in bed

Yep, spent the whole day in bed. I watched two movies, ate laying down, didn't shower... Sounds like luxury??? NO! My back literally went OUT! No, "I'm in pain, but I can power through this!" nope, this was completely debilitating.

I thought I had slept on it wrong yesterday when I started feeling a twinge of pain as I did the night time routine with the babies. By 10 I realized I needed a pain pill. Then this morning whit and I planned on doing the am routine then he would head to work. I had big plans. I was going to wrap during their am nap and clean house. Then in the afternoon I would bake some things for our neighbors while the babes napped.
WRONG!

I realized quickly that I could not stand. We called the doctor and he called in an anti-inflammatory and pain meds. Said it sounded like a compresses nerve. Whit turned his schedule upside down and aunt Kim and Karen came to the rescue.

The busiest time of year and I am on my back. The babies looked at me like what in the world? gg couldn't believe I was so lazy! They cried for me and it broke my heart. Not exactly what I had in mind for my days off with the babies.

Once again, I am reminded that God wants us to slow down during this busy time and remember the reason. I think he literally had to knock me down to make me appreciate this season and not rush through it. Message received.

Slow down friends, enjoy every minute of joy this Christmas!!! I am better tonight and Christmas eve church is looking like a possibility!

A Lot Clingy

To say this has been a breezy season would be very inaccurate. I think people see the joys of multiples as- dressing them alike, them all favoring one another, "the three best friends anyone ever did have", and just having triplets in general.

They overlook the hellacious bath time ritual, taking three that are all on the same level out to lunch/dinner and this odd(i haven't figured it out quite yet) need to be entertained rather than playing with toys and other kids like single babies. They depend on one another and us- little independence.

It makes sense. They play in this(fun but isolating) play room day in and day out with me or Alissa or Whit and don't have a lot of social Interaction.....so when we do go to play dates- they cling, they cry- they cannot believe we would even consider the thought of them PLAYINg in public! What?!

When we go to people's homes for dinner other kids play and interact. I hold all three of mine- two usually crying. SO, I reached out to another triplet mom and here is what she said:
1. Hers did the same thing
2. I was right to consider mothers day out in the summer(winter is flu season).
3. Schedule a play date a week even though they freak out
4. Get out more than once or twice a week
5. Prepare for more sickness at MDO, just goes with the territory
6. This is a hard season that she saw fade at 3.
WAIT? Three?? They turn two in May!

Moms of multiples, comment away! I want your tips and tricks!! I want my kiddos to be confident, strong and comfortable. I know this will come with time and age but I want to do the best job preparing them . We love the church nursery and will continue that route on Sundays. The kids love the praise music and this is a nice transition.

Christmas is around the corner. I hope you are all enjoying more kiddo time and not feeling the seasonal stress!!!

A better heart

I'm done being angry. I've turned the media coverage off. It was senseless and hateful but I have a new perspective.

In church yesterday this stood out to me "We are all overcome with grief for this tragedy. But we can all rejoice in knowing that 20 children marched into heaven on Friday without even making the choice. They are in the arms of God tonight." I though wow. That's it. There is the joy. I've got the joy knowing they are looking down over their parents and siblings saying,"it's okay, he has us!" That is all I could ask for for my three- they would be in the arms of Jesus saying, "mom, He's got us!"

The media brought out the momma bear in me and I had to put him away. I regrouped with prayers for understanding and holding my babies extra tight. I noticed a stricter in/out in the church nursery and breathed a little easier. I am thankful and saddened at the same time. I was determined to find joy this weekend and not let that monster steel one more moment of happy.

Our weekend was full. Lots of rest(for a momma with a cough), we went to Mayborn, chik-fil-a, Rudy's, church, Casa, aunt Karen's for some meatloaf/mashed potatoes! We are full and blessed.

angry heart

Newtown has me baffled. I keep thinking about specific images that rock me while I sit in my living room. I keep wondering how Whit would peel me off of the floor in that fire house if my child(ren) never came to be reunited. I keep wondering how those moms fought the anger and the urge to be near their babies while the medical investigation took place. I go over and over the images of those babies on the concrete floors of those schools. They were babies. How dare him. Crazy, sick or otherwise insane, spare me the sad story that NO one saw this coming. What mom has a semi- automatic rifle on hand in case the world ends. What? I am so angry and saddened that I can't/don't make sense.

This is a time of giving, loving and remembering Jesus. I am certain these grieving families are reaching  for his guidance, his grace, his peace. One little girls dad said he was grateful to be her dad and that she was willing to try anything, except new foods. Emilie. A friend of mine made mention that she just knew their trees at home had wrapped presents below with their names on them. Presents beneath their tree that would never be opened. As a mom, saying that I cannot imagine seems weak, seems cliche. But I seriously cannot imagine the state of my mind if I was one of 20 waiting in that firehouse, doing the math as more and more children arrived..only to be left standing with my husband. Movie theaters, schools, coffee shops, churches...where does it stop or does it? I am confused by gun control and can't help but to think that this can happen, anytime, anywhere. No one is safe. We cannot protect our children from the evil that we are living among.

School was such a happy place when I was a kid. I remember thinking about it as a safe place where we were protected from the outside. I imagined my kids attending school- likely the same classroom, not wanting to separate them as multiples....now I question school period. Homeschool has always felt like a far-stretch for me. I have always felt like the social need in children might be missed or not fulfilled with homeschool- now, I feel like their safety is more than their social lives. Extreme? Maybe. But I have decided in the last twenty-four hours that they have not shown any of the mothers in the media coverage for a reason. They are on their knees praying that God rids their heart of the anger that steals their tears. They are angry and could never muster up peace and prayers for his family like the dad of Emilie did.

I am not a huge political buff nor do I know guns or gun control laws- I am a mom and I know there is something seriously wrong going on here in the US. I am saddened by this loss and speechless on how it has come to this. It's sick and I can't accept his that family saw him as shy, but not a threat.

Those 20, 6-7 year olds were dropped off yesterday morning with moms, dads, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins- that loved them. They had holiday weekend plans and Christmas wish lists. They didn't fear school and they loved their teachers. Yet evil came in and they looked him in the eyes.

Moms, hug your babies.  We live in a sad, sick world.

A grateful heart

I'm not sure if it's the season or that the triplets are nineteen months now, but I've been thinking a lot about their hearts. What they feel and how they express that is important to me. I want them to love one another. I want them to be grateful for what they have and to have joy pouring out of them. I want God to be first and I want them to have a love that is deep.

Last week I was in Atlanta for work. On the second day I received a call that Riggs had thrown up. We contributed it to a new cough medicine and didn't give it much more thought. By midnight however, I was throwing up and by 2am I was on the phone with Alissa while I wandered the halls of my hotel searching for a sprite. We both had it, and it was bad. By morning all three babies had it as well. Whit was the sole survivor in this battle and the ruins were left for him...

I was unable to fly and he took over after Alissa had to give in and go to bed. The babies were changed, cribs were given a cleaning over haul, sheets were changed 100 times, jello and crackers became a staple and our house turned into survival mode. I wondered if the babies saw this change. I wondered if the extra tlc and rocking went unnoticed. Sure they are only babies, but they recognize kindness. I want this to continue. When they see our relationships, I want them to recognize good and feel that and share that. I want their hearts to be full, of gratitude.

I flew home Friday and alissa kept them up a few minutes longer. They were exhausted and this was no easy challenge. I got to put them in their cribs. I was grateful for three babies, three cribs, a good daddy, a sweet, good, (recovered), Alissa, and sweet family members that carried the burden once again. When the babies eye's met mine.. I could see gracefulness in their eyes too.

The weekend brought rest. Lots of crackers, Gatorade, some lime sherbet and even some potato soup. We ate little, slept a lot and didn't get out of our pajamas. It was good.

Today was work as usual. Everyone is better and adjusting to not being held 100% of the time. They are not so grateful for this....

I hope you are bug free and have a grateful heart.