Leave it to Beaver

We started planning our vacation before Christmas. We were convinced that the babies needed to experience the beach. By we, I mean alissa and myself. We scoured websites and travel magazines like it was our job. We finally decided on a quaint and trendy little strip in Florida, called Seaside.

Alissa and I made a video presentation for whit and sold him on the plan as well. We knew we had to go before their second birthday or they couldn't fly as lap babies and we would have to fork out another 1300 or so. So- early may it was! We finalized everything around February and the lists followed.

We had a list for packing, a meal list, a to-do list, a grocery list and even a list of things we would do and in what order we would do them - prior to getting there. We were ready for 7 days of pure bliss. We downloaded new books on our kindles and had visions of napless days and hours spent in a cute tent on the beach.

We made little bags for our fellow passengers with sweets and ear plugs and a cute note from the triplets apologizing if they came un-glued. We packed our own backpacks with iPads, snacks, activity books and games for each baby. We packed a 100lb suitcase for the babies with two swimsuits a piece for every baby- everyday.

We left our house at 6am and it was w70 degrease. When we arrived in Dallas to catch our flight it was 52. We quickly checked in and unloaded really confused triplets who are used to sleeping in until 9-10am everyday and threw on the only sweatshirts I brought them. Oh, and they were wearing shorts. They were angels on the plane. Perfect angels. When we arrived to our house in Florida it was about 3:30. They needed a nap so we quickly got everything together. Gianna couldn't believe we would put her in a foreign crib in a foreign house. She cried and cried. It broke my heart. This would clearly not work.

While they attempted a nap, alissa and I went to the store where we bought hundreds in groceries for these meals we had planned. We got home and it was clear gg would not be resting in that crib- ever. The next two days were hard. No one could get adjusted. The wind was cold and I was feeling beat down. Had I rushed this beach trip? Did I have illusions that they were ready for this. I'm a little bit embarrassed to admit this but this is what I envisioned:

Us playing on the beach with a tent for shade coverage

Taking a quick nap everyday only if everyone needed it

Everyone's routine not being effected much

Glorious mid 80's weather

June and ward Cleaver at the reins of this beach trip extravaganza( if you were born after 1978 watch an episode of leave it to beaver)

Us eating out of beach bento boxes filled with grilled chicken Caesar wraps and hummus with veggie sticks

Late night adult nights filled with drinks and laughter

See where I'm headed here???????

So on day three when the morning started with crying and fits and my will was crushed, I had a huge talk with myself and with the Man. I asked ( who am i kidding, i begged for some wisdom). Then- We started this morning nap routine where we would put them down(not gg, she only slept with one of us), where we would let them sleep until they woke up. You see, since they are triplets, we have never let them sleep until they wake- we've always kept them on a routine to keep the flow easy. They would sleep from 10-2pm, eat lunch then we would hang out and enjoy the beach(which also started warming up and the rain went away), dinner, then the boys would go down(after two unsuccessful nights of gg making herself throw up to avoid the crib) and life was good!!!

Yes, this vacation was turning a corner!!! We began letting the nap rule the day and suddenly the awake hours fell into a perfect bliss. There were never hours upon hours doing anything- they aren't two and my expectations were too too much. This reminds me of my expectations of myself as a mom.

Sometimes I see others doing this amazing job and I have all these lists of things I want to do for them and how I want it all done when at the end of the day they are simply crazy about me- without the lists, without the beach, without any of the expectations.

Ward and June cleaver kind of make me nuts. I strive for that and when I'm reaching for more and more and more- I find myself out of breath saying "what was I after in the first place?" My kids don't know what perfect is. They don't compare me and they don't think something is better than something else- but they do recognize love. They know good love. So when GiGi chose to sleep with us over a foreign crib- it melted me. I loved every kick in my ribs, every sweaty forehead to mine and every single 6 am morning.

When we got pregnant with these babies we were at the end of a frayed rope. To say I prayed for a baby is a huge understatement. I think my heart might have swelled outside of my body when that plus came up on the test. Being a mom often reminds me of my mom and the relationship I feel like alcohol cheated. It reminds me how I found out I was pregnant just months after she passed away. But most of all it reminds me of the daily gift I have been given to create life and love in my home, again and again with every hug, smile and kiss.

We survived our trip and this weekend wrapped up the week. It was all a perfect reminder of the joys in my life and how perfect is all relative. Happy Mother's Day! I hope yours was perfect ;)

Restoration

I've been pulled in a million different directions in the last few months. Work. Babies/Toddlers. Marriage. Friends. I am good at the juggle- I just feel heavy inside. It always feels so incredible when you reach that pinnacle and get to take a deep breath.

My event was front and center and that meant going to work early and getting off late. It is so strange to me how life after kids changes the emotions you carry. I remember living in this selfish world, not knowing(or even thinking) what we wold eat for dinner, what time we would both be getting home or what the entire week looked like on Sunday night. Now I plan it all in my head by Saturday at 4. These three have me planning my plan. I love it. So as I ease back into the normal routine- if there is ever a normal around here..we are soaking up our backyard.

Spring is here in Texas. I forget how much I LOVE APRIL. I am so used to extremes that I forget what the middle looks like! Low 70's- yes please. We've spent so much time outside. They eat outside, play outside and as soon as the water in the hose turns warmer- I can't promise there won't be any baths outside. We went with little expectations to our first Baylor baseball game. We ran into Aunt Karen and Uncle Grant and they just thought they were getting away for a secret date. The triplets made sure this wasn't the case. 

 Our sensory girl obviously is over that whole mess. She loves the water table and thinks the backyard has been transformed when it's filled. Becker thinks it's hilarious to turn over and dump out. Riggs, our engineer, is more interested in how it all works. These guys will be two next month and I am struggling with where the last twenty-three months have gone.

There has been so much tragedy in our nation this past week. Boston and West have been heavy on this momma's heart. There are a million different angles to look at these two tragedies and I think being a mom to three young children I take the mom view. I think about all of the loved ones on the side lines of the Boston Marathon. I think about how they are someone's children and someone was worried about them. Sounds small but when my kids are with a sitter I worry, I think as moms, the second our babies are born( or the entire pregnancy), we have this new gene, the worry gene, that crops up in our gut. I bet when the explosion occurred in West there were worried mommas all over the place. Moms that were far away from their kids, moms who held their babies tight wondering where they would get a package of diapers or a warm bottle for their baby. Needing things is hard to wrap our heads around. We have what we need, until a tragedy strikes. I am typing listening to Whit snore, my sound machine muffle my lab breathing hard and a huge glass of water on my night stand. I don't need anything. Turn off my power and disable my forms of communication and HOUSTON, we have a problem. Add that to any form of doubt/major safety scare for a loved one and you have a disaster on your hands. I am without words and as some sense of normalcy returns for the great people of West and Boston- I cannot understand the pain and loss they are feeling tonight. I hope in the coming weeks they gain restoration. I hope they feel the heavy weight of prayers pouring over them and their families. 

Gianna, we call her gg. She's quirky. She has a sense of humor that I already see. I am so thankful for what she brings to this trio. People have asked me a lot lately if we plan on having another one. I think it must be because they are turning two and in the typical family plan- you begin to try for another after your baby turns two or so. I laugh usually and say, "no, I think, we are good with our three!" But sometimes my mind wonders and I can't help but to want to read Gods mind. I think when we were trying for those long six years, I never asked Him what he thought- it was mostly about what I wanted. Lately, I've thought a lot about this plan he has rolled out for us. It really is perfect.  I've always said He has a sense of humor. I remember praying for three. Not necessarily all at once- just three babies in our life- period. I also said, on one particularly greedy night,  please, Lord, let one be a girl. 

He restored me on May 27th, 2011. He gave me everything I asked for, all at once. He answered every single prayer that I prayed. I think it was his proof to me that he was on my side- even when I doubted Him. 

Satisfied, that is my new answer when someone asks, because we are. I am restored, freed and in love with these three. There isn't enough time in the day to drink them in......

So many people shaping these sweet babies. My heart is full. We planned our first-ever beach trip. Our first flight with the triplets. Our first trip out of state.  I cannot wait. I am filled with fear, uncertainty, excitement, hope and most of all JOY. Seaside, here we come. 

Enjoy this video. I just love it. 

One day all babies will be born healthy...

This year, we celebrate our babies' Riggs, Becker & Gianna's second birthday. Two years of joy. Two years of learning. Two years of working with so many others to get our sweet 3 healthy and developmentally on track. Two years of making sure they are seen for their abilities and their character. 

When our triplets were born early at 29 weeks, we were scared and saddened by the challenges we knew they’d face. Many of our concerns grew out of fears we had about having triplets. Knowing they would come early. Knowing they would be tiny. Knowing they would live in the NICU for some amount of time. But we had hope; hope that they wouldn't come that early and be that tiny...

    

After five painful years of struggling with infertility, we finally found out we were pregnant!...with triplets! We were filled with excitement, but knew we were facing a high-risk pregnancy. Our gynecologist told us that triplets rarely make it past 32 weeks gestation, which brings a series of serious complications. 

When my water broke at 29 weeks, we were terrified. I couldn't face the thought of three 2 pound babies fighting for their lives. Unlike your typical delivery room, we had over 30 doctors, nurses and surgical techs waiting access our newborns and take them directly to the NICU. It was organized chaos. 

Gavin Riggs, Grant Becker & Gianna Grace were born on May 27th, 2011 weighing in at 2.8, 2.12, and 2.10, respectively. We were overcome with a mix of emotions; joy, anxiety and an array of questions about what was to come. During the next 9 weeks, the doctors, nurses, respiratory therapist and nurse practitioners held our babies in the palms of their hands. 

Devastatingly, after just a few weeks in the NICU, all three babies were diagnosed with NEC, Necrotizing Entercolitis, a gastrointestinal disease that causes destruction of the bowel. Although it only affects 1 in 2,000-4000 births, NEC is the most serious gastrointestinal disorder among hospitalized infants. All three babies were diagnosed and treated early because of the work of the March of Dimes. Because of their research and programs, our triplets were given a fighting chance to beat the odds. 

Thank you March of Dimes, the Shepherd Triplets are all home & healthy because of the incredible work you do.

Since the triplets were born, we have dedicated ourselves to joining with the March of Dimes to raise money to save more lives. 

This year, we have a goal of raising $3,000 for our family team, The Shep Trips. Please join us by spreading the word and making a donation to MOD in honor of our triplets' second birthday. Every bit adds up--$5, $10. Small gifts of thoughtfulness make a powerful difference. 

Go here http://www.marchforbabies.org/s_team_page.asp?seid=2034184 to donate. [ on the right-hand side of the screen, there is a purple button that says 'donate to this team' ]

Your tax-deductible donation will benefit babies and their families. Our family sincerely thanks you. We will continue our efforts to give back.

The March of Dimes has been dedicated to working toward stronger, healthier babies since 1938. Founded by President Franklin Roosevelt, MOD created vaccines that cured polio. MOD's focus has since shifted to premature birth & birth defects with research breakthroughs that have saved thousands of babies' lives. 

c a n c e r s u c k s

Just a few weeks ago we found out that our Mema Pat had bladder cancer. I haven't been able to talk about it much less blog about until today. Mostly because of our great news but also because I have been able to grasp some really good stuff from some conversations we have had lately. She blows me away with her strength, amazing grip on her relationship with God and her peace in the company of family.

On the morning of the surgery she was positive, collected and had more visitors than most people have at a baby shower. She is loved. It was a large, aggressive tumor in her bladder that was malignant. The days leading up to the surgery and the day of the surgery, I was a mess. I held it together. She seemed so good with it all that I felt foolish crying or letting my mind linger to the questions and the what ifs. She rocked the surgery and with the exception of one low heart rate hic-up, it went smoothly. The doctor came in the room and the room was hushed with sullen faces. My family all staring at one another, yet avoiding eye contact. He said, "we got it all- it wasn't in the muscle." We cried, knowing those were the nine exact words we wanted. She was home the next day. Riggs couldn't believe we wouldn't let him run all over the bed. He couldn't understand why Mema couldn't tote him around or pick him up and down. She had us scoot a bench up to the bed so he could get up and down a minimum of a 100 times.

It was business as usual. Our conversations in the days leading up to the surgery seemed small, when at the time they seemed so big, I couldn't swallow the words. She said she had no regrets- well.., except, these three babies and not getting to see them grown. It broke me. It stole my heart right out of my chest. To have her home and not thinking about anything but Easter plans and lunch with her girls- that was it. That was what we wanted. Needed. 

Routines were back to normal. Picnics, visits to memas via the choo- choo and calmed hearts. Life was back and it was good. We even broke out some spring attire. We made a trip to Magnolia farms for a chicken visit. Becks was terrified but Riggs was wondering why he wasn't wearing boots like the other kids. 

St. Patty's day was the day after she came home. Never seemed like a holiday until this year. Iv'e always felt like He draws us closer by walking us through the really tough moments- but today I read that our love is strengthened when specific prayers are answered. Feels really selfish to me- but I know His desire is to draw us in and show his love to us.

Happy Weekend everyone. Feeling really blessed.

Growing towards the light

When I was looking at the flowers on our coffee table I noticed that the tulips had drastically taken a right turn. I then realized they had decided to grow towards the light. I think we are a lot like that.

I've been meaning to blog for weeks and something always came up. Work, kids, trying to do right by them and staying ahead of my goals at work. I've often complained or vented about not being everything to everyone no matter how hard I try but tonight it all came to me- we are all struggling with being the best to everyone, all the time. We are constantly trying to accomplish everything on the to-do list or Saturday list when none of that matters. Instead we should be worried about growth.

Growth with God. Spiritual growth. Growing towards the light. Sometimes I think God creates moments or road blocks to make us choose him. Moments that make us reach for him. Two funerals this week have made our house reach for him... Ask him 100 why's, why nots and what if's. Not exactly getting the answers we were searching for but getting comfort in knowing that he has this greater plan. No, the hope of a plan doesn't soothe the pain but we are promised that God is close to the broken hearted.

I had a sense of guilty peace with me this weekend. Grateful for my family and guilty for those who have suffered unimaginable loss this past week. I know prayers are being heard for understanding, peace and love, for all that has been lost.

Today I want peace our hearts. I don't want to feel rushed at work, with my kids... In the moment. I want to enjoy every moment. I want the warmth of the sun and to feel that growth in all that I do. I want my family to grow towards the light.

I know he has placed hands on these hurting families. Lord, please give them the warmth and comfort that they so desperately seek. Amen.

Making Waffles

Weekends seem to plan "up" quickly in the fall but in the winter/spring I start to feel less full and a better ability to say no, easier. I think I get to the point where I start to feel so over scheduled that I can't enjoy what we are doing in the moment. So when I push back a little- the planned moments are all that much sweeter.

Most weekends lately have been open. Spending Friday and Saturday nights at home and with sick season in our rear view mirror(fingers crossed), the plans have included, not having any plans. So when Alissa mentioned having our friend's family of five over on a Sunday morning for an impromptu breakfast- I was in. Sounds small and not really like a plan at all- but it was this delicious, Sunday morning that was {full}of kids, joy, giggles and sticky•sweet memories, that have stamped my heart with good thoughts every-time I even glance at that waffle maker. In my world I deem things calendar worthy- and this was worthy to the fullest.

Alissa always reminds me of a line in a movie where the animated donkey excitedly says, " in the mornin', I'm makin' waffles!" I love that line because I love the memories it brings of togetherness. Not just on that morning- but when we do things spur of the moment and drink from the richness that the moment holds. Alissa reminds me that even when I'm tired from working all week- to make fun plans, even if it's a wagon ride because the memories will be forever in my {camera} and on my heart. Moments that cannot be recreated. Ever.

I admit that as a mom there are weekends I choose not to load all three up with bags and food and sippy cups. There are Friday nights where I am like, "oh hell no, the zoo again? Not tomorrow." And then I am reminded of the joy that those moments bring when the loading and unloading become unimportant in the details. It's not "all in the details", it's all in what you take from the memories. The pictures, the smiles, the gratefulness is where those sweet thoughts sleep.

No big plans again this weekend- but I have a feeling, memories will be made.