Newtown has me baffled. I keep thinking about specific images that rock me while I sit in my living room. I keep wondering how Whit would peel me off of the floor in that fire house if my child(ren) never came to be reunited. I keep wondering how those moms fought the anger and the urge to be near their babies while the medical investigation took place. I go over and over the images of those babies on the concrete floors of those schools. They were babies. How dare him. Crazy, sick or otherwise insane, spare me the sad story that NO one saw this coming. What mom has a semi- automatic rifle on hand in case the world ends. What? I am so angry and saddened that I can't/don't make sense.
This is a time of giving, loving and remembering Jesus. I am certain these grieving families are reaching for his guidance, his grace, his peace. One little girls dad said he was grateful to be her dad and that she was willing to try anything, except new foods. Emilie. A friend of mine made mention that she just knew their trees at home had wrapped presents below with their names on them. Presents beneath their tree that would never be opened. As a mom, saying that I cannot imagine seems weak, seems cliche. But I seriously cannot imagine the state of my mind if I was one of 20 waiting in that firehouse, doing the math as more and more children arrived..only to be left standing with my husband. Movie theaters, schools, coffee shops, churches...where does it stop or does it? I am confused by gun control and can't help but to think that this can happen, anytime, anywhere. No one is safe. We cannot protect our children from the evil that we are living among.
School was such a happy place when I was a kid. I remember thinking about it as a safe place where we were protected from the outside. I imagined my kids attending school- likely the same classroom, not wanting to separate them as multiples....now I question school period. Homeschool has always felt like a far-stretch for me. I have always felt like the social need in children might be missed or not fulfilled with homeschool- now, I feel like their safety is more than their social lives. Extreme? Maybe. But I have decided in the last twenty-four hours that they have not shown any of the mothers in the media coverage for a reason. They are on their knees praying that God rids their heart of the anger that steals their tears. They are angry and could never muster up peace and prayers for his family like the dad of Emilie did.
I am not a huge political buff nor do I know guns or gun control laws- I am a mom and I know there is something seriously wrong going on here in the US. I am saddened by this loss and speechless on how it has come to this. It's sick and I can't accept his that family saw him as shy, but not a threat.
Those 20, 6-7 year olds were dropped off yesterday morning with moms, dads, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins- that loved them. They had holiday weekend plans and Christmas wish lists. They didn't fear school and they loved their teachers. Yet evil came in and they looked him in the eyes.
Moms, hug your babies. We live in a sad, sick world.
Amen.
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