Growing towards the light

When I was looking at the flowers on our coffee table I noticed that the tulips had drastically taken a right turn. I then realized they had decided to grow towards the light. I think we are a lot like that.

I've been meaning to blog for weeks and something always came up. Work, kids, trying to do right by them and staying ahead of my goals at work. I've often complained or vented about not being everything to everyone no matter how hard I try but tonight it all came to me- we are all struggling with being the best to everyone, all the time. We are constantly trying to accomplish everything on the to-do list or Saturday list when none of that matters. Instead we should be worried about growth.

Growth with God. Spiritual growth. Growing towards the light. Sometimes I think God creates moments or road blocks to make us choose him. Moments that make us reach for him. Two funerals this week have made our house reach for him... Ask him 100 why's, why nots and what if's. Not exactly getting the answers we were searching for but getting comfort in knowing that he has this greater plan. No, the hope of a plan doesn't soothe the pain but we are promised that God is close to the broken hearted.

I had a sense of guilty peace with me this weekend. Grateful for my family and guilty for those who have suffered unimaginable loss this past week. I know prayers are being heard for understanding, peace and love, for all that has been lost.

Today I want peace our hearts. I don't want to feel rushed at work, with my kids... In the moment. I want to enjoy every moment. I want the warmth of the sun and to feel that growth in all that I do. I want my family to grow towards the light.

I know he has placed hands on these hurting families. Lord, please give them the warmth and comfort that they so desperately seek. Amen.

Making Waffles

Weekends seem to plan "up" quickly in the fall but in the winter/spring I start to feel less full and a better ability to say no, easier. I think I get to the point where I start to feel so over scheduled that I can't enjoy what we are doing in the moment. So when I push back a little- the planned moments are all that much sweeter.

Most weekends lately have been open. Spending Friday and Saturday nights at home and with sick season in our rear view mirror(fingers crossed), the plans have included, not having any plans. So when Alissa mentioned having our friend's family of five over on a Sunday morning for an impromptu breakfast- I was in. Sounds small and not really like a plan at all- but it was this delicious, Sunday morning that was {full}of kids, joy, giggles and sticky•sweet memories, that have stamped my heart with good thoughts every-time I even glance at that waffle maker. In my world I deem things calendar worthy- and this was worthy to the fullest.

Alissa always reminds me of a line in a movie where the animated donkey excitedly says, " in the mornin', I'm makin' waffles!" I love that line because I love the memories it brings of togetherness. Not just on that morning- but when we do things spur of the moment and drink from the richness that the moment holds. Alissa reminds me that even when I'm tired from working all week- to make fun plans, even if it's a wagon ride because the memories will be forever in my {camera} and on my heart. Moments that cannot be recreated. Ever.

I admit that as a mom there are weekends I choose not to load all three up with bags and food and sippy cups. There are Friday nights where I am like, "oh hell no, the zoo again? Not tomorrow." And then I am reminded of the joy that those moments bring when the loading and unloading become unimportant in the details. It's not "all in the details", it's all in what you take from the memories. The pictures, the smiles, the gratefulness is where those sweet thoughts sleep.

No big plans again this weekend- but I have a feeling, memories will be made.

Beam me up

Recently I was told about a new pink song. I like her and gave it a listen. It's very clear to me that its about loss and having a minute with that person in heaven. She says she wouldn't know what to say if given that minute. I'm not exactly sure what loss she is speaking of- but I would imagine its about a child. I've been in conversations lately about what would be worse?! I'm not sure and could never answer but in the new year I made promises to myself that I would be more present. More present in my kids lives- whit's and my own.

I feel like so far I've been really successful at that- getting out of town for a night with whit, more park trips, February birthday month, more lunches with my kids and a genuine effort of putting everyone behind those four people in my life. I've also put God at the front of my alone time. Focusing on what he wants for my family and what path he wants me on. At first this felt weird and now I know it was what he wanted and I was resisting.

There is this hilarious cartoon I've caught on YouTube lately that was obviously made by a multiples mom. She is annoyed because someone says, "oh you have multiples, so you're done?!" Lol I love how people assume they know our lives. I've gotten good at this triplet thing. I could do one baby no sweat. Just sayin'.

Baby fever. I'll take my temp later and hopefully it's gone down. Too many blogs about new babies and I can smell them.

Have a good rest of the week everyone.

Renewed

My march for babies kick of is this week so slowing down to enjoy my birthday was kind of not even on the radar. However, in true Alissa fashion, she planned a fun night of Mexican food for me and about 25 friends and family members. It was perfect. In every single way.

Reminded me to slow down and enjoy my life, my kids, yummy food and all that God has handed me. Reminded me of where I was years ago and how being at my lowest gave me a stronger relationship with God. He really did make me give it all to him.

To be surrounded by my three littles and to be surrounded by the people that literally picked me up off the floor when my cycles failed- felt good, really good. I felt so present tonight. So in tune with my kids needs and being their momma! So present in my husbands life even though some days it feels like we are passing in the hallways of a whirlwind life. Birthdays are funny. Mostly because the older we get we ask,"what's left to celebrate?" but oh, such a sweet, sweet day to celebrate thankfulness. Grace, for a year full of mistakes, and hope for a year of renewal.

It was perfect in everyday. I think I'm gonna love 35.

Working mom hamster wheel

When we were kids we had hamsters. I used to love being their momma and making their "house", a home for them. I made sure they had lots of those tunnels to crawl around in and lots of things to play on- I think I felt bad for them, that they couldn't leave their house. I loved the wheel. Well, until I realized what nocturnal was.

You see, I'm a "must have sleep" girl. So when my hamster started pounding away at the wheel at midnight until 3am- I was over that little guy. He was quickly placed in the hallway. Lately I've felt out of breath and like I'm on that wheel when it comes to the juggle. Life, kids, new work responsibilities- you know, just the routine.

So, I've been looking at ways to plan for the summer and have goals and things to look forward to while really enjoying our weird weather. I've also set mini 3 year house goals in my head and started reading a funny book by one of the writers of the office. I think planning my free time gives me a happy feeling because I feel like I am getting the most out of my one with the kids and my alone time/hubby time.

This also allows me to see the future and not feel overwhelmed with the present.

So here is what is going on...in my head.
Summer Vacation plans
Kitchen remodel thoughts
Are we done having kiddos?
What are Gods next plans for us?
What is he calling us to do?
How do I manage all of my teams at work in an 8 hour day?!
The kids second birthday party
Date nights need to get back on schedule

Lately I've been squeezing in lunch with the kids once a week and a lot of park dates ;) its been 50 degrees in the morning and 70 by lunch. Love it.

Happy Friday.
Hope your weekend is full of yummy food, a good movie, a magazine read and a Starbucks.

Timeline

Tonight I was looking back at my 2010 and 2011 Facebook posts. Not for anything in particular but wanting to re-visit the feeling I had while we were pregnant, in the NICU and when we finally got to come home.

I quickly remembered the uncertainty and hope that I could clearly read{between the lines} in each post. I had this blanket self that I would put out there and the behind the blanket that was really happening. I read the may 31st post that said we were all happy and healthy and that was so incredibly far from what was going on. Happy yes. Scared to death and begging God to let me keep those three, YES. Healthy, not exactly.

I fumbled for lies and words for friends and made up excuses for visitors because I couldn't look at their faces when they saw them or when they looked at the tubes and Ivs in their heads. I didn't need anyone to feel sorry for us- I was doing it all by myself. I loved texts because they couldn't see the hives on my bare chest or watch me itch my eczema on my hands that was in full force from all of the hand washing.

I'm humbled by my experience and have often voiced this. I think I'm a better mom and wouldn't have learned what I learned had we not had the experience. Not just about babies, but believing in people, trusting in others, knowing God will carry us.

My friends baby is on the going home list from the NiCU. She is scared, excited and eager to get that little baby home. We had coffee and talked about what was around the corner. I quickly remembered that thrilling, yet terrifying feeling that coursed trough my veins. I think being a momma does that to you, being a preemie survivor does it to you more. She will be great- he will thrive and because of their NICU stay- she will cherish every single minute with him.

I think as we grow in our lives, in our jobs, in ourselves- it's worth your while to revisit your timeline. It's humbling. Reminds us to be thankful, to be present and to be gracious for what we have accomplished.

As we march into 2013 I will be working on my personal march for babies campaign. A mission that changed my life 20 months ago. I might work for the mission but the mission worked for me before I was even aware. Details on our family team coming soon.

We have almost wrapped up the stomach virus here at our house... A timeline I never want to revisit. Hope your weekend is full and you take time to be present.

1/3 sick

This week has been hard. Of course I'd like to write a bunch of pretty in this space and show you I'm super duper mom but I have fallen short this week.

Gianna has had a bug. An every twenty minute, trash can grabbing bug that went from 6 one evening to 5 am the next- and still hasn't completely gone away. Whit and I were beat. This is a busy season for my work and Whit's stays busy, so juggling was a must. We kept the boys separate and took turns working sprinkled with lots of work on Alissa's part. It took all of us.

But in all the juggle I found humor in what one sick baby looks like. Gianna wanted to be held 24 hours a day and the other two still required feeding, changing, entertainment etc. It couldn't be your typical sick baby scene. There were still 3.

This also reminded me of what people must think of our household routine. What they think meeting for lunch looks like. For example... When we meet for lunch it requires the 12 hours prior to go as planned. Naps must be exact, a lunch for three must be packed, bibs, disposable placemats, foods that entertain, Riggs paci, meds for whatever, but THREE of it all. Because there are never three high chairs anywhere, this requires carrying three hook on table ones in the car just in case. And two people aren't enough because you can't carry two and the stuff while one person carries the third, hooks on the high chairs etc- with a whole lot of grace! And that's just lunch. A play date is a whole other thing. So, to be clear, no complaining here- just clearing my mind about what this house looks like 30 minutes before church... Get the picture? I don't think people think its easy but the whole " I don't know how you do it" line rolls off of tongues and I smile and say, " oh we just do it" and " oh we don't have other children, so we don't know any other way" but what I want to say is..." there are three and its a circus!!!"

So when one is sick. Balance is not there. Just like with one baby but imagine not being able to care for two other equally needy babies that want you at the very same time.

Sometimes when we are in a restaurant they are perfect and some days it's just off -just really off- I look around and I see people judging us- I tease whit about who's idea was three embryos(it was mine!) and we laugh because as nuts as we look- we love our nuts. And we work really hard at being on top of our situation- that's the best we can do.

Prayers have been a focus this week. We have been working on short ones with AMEN as a focal point ending. Becker is getting it quickly! Have a good weekend everyone!!

Lord, thank you for these sweet little souls and for entrusting us to shape them. Amen.