Timeline

Tonight I was looking back at my 2010 and 2011 Facebook posts. Not for anything in particular but wanting to re-visit the feeling I had while we were pregnant, in the NICU and when we finally got to come home.

I quickly remembered the uncertainty and hope that I could clearly read{between the lines} in each post. I had this blanket self that I would put out there and the behind the blanket that was really happening. I read the may 31st post that said we were all happy and healthy and that was so incredibly far from what was going on. Happy yes. Scared to death and begging God to let me keep those three, YES. Healthy, not exactly.

I fumbled for lies and words for friends and made up excuses for visitors because I couldn't look at their faces when they saw them or when they looked at the tubes and Ivs in their heads. I didn't need anyone to feel sorry for us- I was doing it all by myself. I loved texts because they couldn't see the hives on my bare chest or watch me itch my eczema on my hands that was in full force from all of the hand washing.

I'm humbled by my experience and have often voiced this. I think I'm a better mom and wouldn't have learned what I learned had we not had the experience. Not just about babies, but believing in people, trusting in others, knowing God will carry us.

My friends baby is on the going home list from the NiCU. She is scared, excited and eager to get that little baby home. We had coffee and talked about what was around the corner. I quickly remembered that thrilling, yet terrifying feeling that coursed trough my veins. I think being a momma does that to you, being a preemie survivor does it to you more. She will be great- he will thrive and because of their NICU stay- she will cherish every single minute with him.

I think as we grow in our lives, in our jobs, in ourselves- it's worth your while to revisit your timeline. It's humbling. Reminds us to be thankful, to be present and to be gracious for what we have accomplished.

As we march into 2013 I will be working on my personal march for babies campaign. A mission that changed my life 20 months ago. I might work for the mission but the mission worked for me before I was even aware. Details on our family team coming soon.

We have almost wrapped up the stomach virus here at our house... A timeline I never want to revisit. Hope your weekend is full and you take time to be present.