Working mom hamster wheel

When we were kids we had hamsters. I used to love being their momma and making their "house", a home for them. I made sure they had lots of those tunnels to crawl around in and lots of things to play on- I think I felt bad for them, that they couldn't leave their house. I loved the wheel. Well, until I realized what nocturnal was.

You see, I'm a "must have sleep" girl. So when my hamster started pounding away at the wheel at midnight until 3am- I was over that little guy. He was quickly placed in the hallway. Lately I've felt out of breath and like I'm on that wheel when it comes to the juggle. Life, kids, new work responsibilities- you know, just the routine.

So, I've been looking at ways to plan for the summer and have goals and things to look forward to while really enjoying our weird weather. I've also set mini 3 year house goals in my head and started reading a funny book by one of the writers of the office. I think planning my free time gives me a happy feeling because I feel like I am getting the most out of my one with the kids and my alone time/hubby time.

This also allows me to see the future and not feel overwhelmed with the present.

So here is what is going on...in my head.
Summer Vacation plans
Kitchen remodel thoughts
Are we done having kiddos?
What are Gods next plans for us?
What is he calling us to do?
How do I manage all of my teams at work in an 8 hour day?!
The kids second birthday party
Date nights need to get back on schedule

Lately I've been squeezing in lunch with the kids once a week and a lot of park dates ;) its been 50 degrees in the morning and 70 by lunch. Love it.

Happy Friday.
Hope your weekend is full of yummy food, a good movie, a magazine read and a Starbucks.

Timeline

Tonight I was looking back at my 2010 and 2011 Facebook posts. Not for anything in particular but wanting to re-visit the feeling I had while we were pregnant, in the NICU and when we finally got to come home.

I quickly remembered the uncertainty and hope that I could clearly read{between the lines} in each post. I had this blanket self that I would put out there and the behind the blanket that was really happening. I read the may 31st post that said we were all happy and healthy and that was so incredibly far from what was going on. Happy yes. Scared to death and begging God to let me keep those three, YES. Healthy, not exactly.

I fumbled for lies and words for friends and made up excuses for visitors because I couldn't look at their faces when they saw them or when they looked at the tubes and Ivs in their heads. I didn't need anyone to feel sorry for us- I was doing it all by myself. I loved texts because they couldn't see the hives on my bare chest or watch me itch my eczema on my hands that was in full force from all of the hand washing.

I'm humbled by my experience and have often voiced this. I think I'm a better mom and wouldn't have learned what I learned had we not had the experience. Not just about babies, but believing in people, trusting in others, knowing God will carry us.

My friends baby is on the going home list from the NiCU. She is scared, excited and eager to get that little baby home. We had coffee and talked about what was around the corner. I quickly remembered that thrilling, yet terrifying feeling that coursed trough my veins. I think being a momma does that to you, being a preemie survivor does it to you more. She will be great- he will thrive and because of their NICU stay- she will cherish every single minute with him.

I think as we grow in our lives, in our jobs, in ourselves- it's worth your while to revisit your timeline. It's humbling. Reminds us to be thankful, to be present and to be gracious for what we have accomplished.

As we march into 2013 I will be working on my personal march for babies campaign. A mission that changed my life 20 months ago. I might work for the mission but the mission worked for me before I was even aware. Details on our family team coming soon.

We have almost wrapped up the stomach virus here at our house... A timeline I never want to revisit. Hope your weekend is full and you take time to be present.

1/3 sick

This week has been hard. Of course I'd like to write a bunch of pretty in this space and show you I'm super duper mom but I have fallen short this week.

Gianna has had a bug. An every twenty minute, trash can grabbing bug that went from 6 one evening to 5 am the next- and still hasn't completely gone away. Whit and I were beat. This is a busy season for my work and Whit's stays busy, so juggling was a must. We kept the boys separate and took turns working sprinkled with lots of work on Alissa's part. It took all of us.

But in all the juggle I found humor in what one sick baby looks like. Gianna wanted to be held 24 hours a day and the other two still required feeding, changing, entertainment etc. It couldn't be your typical sick baby scene. There were still 3.

This also reminded me of what people must think of our household routine. What they think meeting for lunch looks like. For example... When we meet for lunch it requires the 12 hours prior to go as planned. Naps must be exact, a lunch for three must be packed, bibs, disposable placemats, foods that entertain, Riggs paci, meds for whatever, but THREE of it all. Because there are never three high chairs anywhere, this requires carrying three hook on table ones in the car just in case. And two people aren't enough because you can't carry two and the stuff while one person carries the third, hooks on the high chairs etc- with a whole lot of grace! And that's just lunch. A play date is a whole other thing. So, to be clear, no complaining here- just clearing my mind about what this house looks like 30 minutes before church... Get the picture? I don't think people think its easy but the whole " I don't know how you do it" line rolls off of tongues and I smile and say, " oh we just do it" and " oh we don't have other children, so we don't know any other way" but what I want to say is..." there are three and its a circus!!!"

So when one is sick. Balance is not there. Just like with one baby but imagine not being able to care for two other equally needy babies that want you at the very same time.

Sometimes when we are in a restaurant they are perfect and some days it's just off -just really off- I look around and I see people judging us- I tease whit about who's idea was three embryos(it was mine!) and we laugh because as nuts as we look- we love our nuts. And we work really hard at being on top of our situation- that's the best we can do.

Prayers have been a focus this week. We have been working on short ones with AMEN as a focal point ending. Becker is getting it quickly! Have a good weekend everyone!!

Lord, thank you for these sweet little souls and for entrusting us to shape them. Amen.

After church clothes

When I was a kid we went to church almost every Sunday. I loved a routine and loved spending the night with mema pat and doing the whole rush around Sunday morning, Sunday lunch, after church clothes and rest of the day was yours-routine. You know.. The whole I praised Him and I feel really good about our relationship and how full my belly is and.... Where are my after church clothes?

If you didn't go you were still in your pajamas and you felt like a slob and when I was a kiddo I often thought God was disappointed in my attendance(still do). In our house if we didn't go to church, we didn't get to go out for lunch- and as a kid- you might as well have told me the whole day was shot! I still feel this way.

Lately we have done really well with our Sunday routine. Whit works Sunday's so he does the early rush with me, goes to church in his own separate vehicle, helps me get them loaded to go home and he heads to work. It's a lot, but we do it. Sometimes it's almost comical and sometimes once that praise music hits my ears- I'm renewed.

Today we were running late. GG had to be changed twice because her clothes were too big, my tights were awkward, it felt like the heat in our house was on 90 and at one point it would have been so easy(I assure you I wouldn't have had any arguments) to say, forget this, let's lounge today. But no. Whit surprised me and had told me late last night that this Sunday he was taking off- and it would not be wasted!!

We marched on in 11 minutes late and a sweet lady found us perfect seats. In our church about 40% of the congregation raises their hands during praise. Becker has seen this before but today he noticed. He immediately put his palm toward Jesus and I couldn't believe this sweet boy. GG people watched and Riggs danced. This Momma's heart was full.

After church we took stew/cornbread to a sweet family who just had their 2nd bundle of {boy}. He was edible. The kids and whit were in the car so I only loved on him for a bit, but, wow. He was so perfect. The mood was perfect. Just how it should be. She looked radiant. That good momma feeling washed over me with no warning at all.

Then we ran to target, home for some lunch necessities and called my family to meet at Ninfa's. After an easy going lunch we took them to the mall. They played at the mini play area and then since there was no one there- they walked literally half the length of the mall. Gianna tried to shoplift in build a bear, they couldn't believe the lights or the mannequins or the sheer freedom they were experiencing. It was so good.

We returned home and as they went down for their nap I put on my after church clothes. They are even better now, now that I'm making these choices. 2013 is full of choices. I want to be more conscious of what I choose for my children, who I choose to spend time with and more importantly, spending more time being quiet with God. I also want to sculpt my children into feeling that time of praise is- just what we do.

Saying "amen" is where we will start tomorrow.

Renew

I'm always fascinated how more church, decorations, gift exchanges, more God, more family dinners, more friends, more celebration and more love- bring us to a renewed space at the end of every year. It really is simple. More of all of those- renews our spirit, our faith our will. Our hope.

The day before Christmas Eve I couldn't stand. My back had given me subtle reminders that it was tired and I pushed long past the "I am about to go out on you totally"... And worked, made dinners, bathed the trips, wrapped presents like a mad woman and did way too many "back breaking things." So when I knew I literally could not go on- bed was my only option.

I prayed for the ability to go to church because If the truth be told- it's my one really, really great moment. It's the peak of motherhood. Silent night, candles, my mema pat, my family, my sweet husband, my healthy triplets...what more could God give? I wanted to hold one of those babies and watch their eyes sparkle at the sight of the candle. I had to have it. So on Christmas eve I took it slow and that night I gritted my teeth in pain- but there we sat, on those old creaky pews at FBC. That, for me, is what Christmas is all about.

Our Christmas decor is all down and packed away and while we made so many memories that are forever stamped in my mind- church for me is the one really biggie. I love the sound their little giggles and feet made coming down the hall on Christmas morning but even more- the sound of them breathing in my ear as we sang silent night. Riggs carried mema Pat's door cluster of jingle bells from room to room with pure joy on his face. They aren't at the age yet to be greedy or want for things. I want to be intentional about staying on this path. I want them to love the spirit and renewal of Christmas, not the greed and the rush that creep in on all of us.

This morning in church I thought about where we have "been" in our lives the last few Christmases. Last year, the word relief comes to mind. Relieved that our babies were home and healthy. The year before, worried and humble comes to mind. I was just about 6 weeks pregnant. We knew it was triplets and were worried but humbled that he had chosen us to carry His precious three children. And the year before, angry and confused would be the words. Angry that another cycle had failed. Confused over His plan for us.

This year I feel renewed. I feel refreshed. I know His plan, or at least I am open to His ever lasting plans and love for us. I always knew He loved us- just felt overwhelmed and never allowed the plans to wash over me. I don't think I have always been open to the plan and I have always walked against the waves and not with the current. This year I have glided closer to Him and I feel whole.

This year we dedicated our three to a life of knowing Jesus. We have submerged them into growing, loving and knowing God. It's been a beautiful year. It's been a gift of 12 months of complete joy. As I type those words, there is and will always be a part of me that remembers the years joy was a hard word to mutter. I also remember sitting in those old creaky pews with a pain and a sense of jealousy. Not being a mom robbed my spirit, robbed my renewal. Hope was lost.

As we jump into 2013 I hope that just one person who is not yet a mom is reading this blog and believing in Gods work. It's right here... He has this wild and beautiful plan for you. Hope. If you do one thing in 2013, I ask you to ride the waves and allow your hope to be restored. Refreshed.

Happy New Year.

Nest

It was wonderful. It was grand. It was the best birthday party I have ever been to. Christmas morning was joy.

I knew the kids, not yet two, had no real idea who Jesus or Santa was, but as a momma, I knew we had started the ball rolling on what Christmas was all about. As they walked down the hall, they took turns squealing like they usually do. When they turned the corner and saw all of the unopened presents- they were in complete amazement. They marched from the train table to the kitchen. They couldn't play with anything for longer than 10 seconds. They kept looking at us like "hey, did you see all of this?!" They giggled and pushed each other out of the way to get to everything in a hurry. GG kept taking wooden food to Alissa {yep, we had our 4th kid home for Christmas morning too} and asking her to open the food. Because they had slept in- it was after breakfast!

The morning was buzzing with joy. We did stockings, presents and babies. My heart was full. And there it all was. Too much joy for my heart. All those years, all those tears. All those moments singing silent night with no little girl/boy {or 3} in my arms. No wonder of what the morning would be like with kids. This was it- this is what it was like. This was what it would be like for years to come.

We gave Alissa some goodies and she gave us some really thoughtful goodies. Including a camera strap for my new rebel that I love, oh so much. I gave whit a nest that he controls with his iPad. He loved it. There was trash everywhere and we needed to clean up and head to aunt Karen's for her big christmas breakfast- but all I could think about was the joy God had given me.

I was reminded of all those bargains I had made with him in my prayers. I remember promising him that I would be the best mom, that I would teach them about Him, that I would teach them love, that I would love them whole-heartedly.

As we collected the trash and the kids played, I asked Whit if he loved his new nest. He said I love it. Then he glanced around the room and said, "how do you like your nest?"

I was speechless. This is exactly what I expected. My heart is full. My nest is full.

I hope you all had a Merry Christmas!

A day in bed

Yep, spent the whole day in bed. I watched two movies, ate laying down, didn't shower... Sounds like luxury??? NO! My back literally went OUT! No, "I'm in pain, but I can power through this!" nope, this was completely debilitating.

I thought I had slept on it wrong yesterday when I started feeling a twinge of pain as I did the night time routine with the babies. By 10 I realized I needed a pain pill. Then this morning whit and I planned on doing the am routine then he would head to work. I had big plans. I was going to wrap during their am nap and clean house. Then in the afternoon I would bake some things for our neighbors while the babes napped.
WRONG!

I realized quickly that I could not stand. We called the doctor and he called in an anti-inflammatory and pain meds. Said it sounded like a compresses nerve. Whit turned his schedule upside down and aunt Kim and Karen came to the rescue.

The busiest time of year and I am on my back. The babies looked at me like what in the world? gg couldn't believe I was so lazy! They cried for me and it broke my heart. Not exactly what I had in mind for my days off with the babies.

Once again, I am reminded that God wants us to slow down during this busy time and remember the reason. I think he literally had to knock me down to make me appreciate this season and not rush through it. Message received.

Slow down friends, enjoy every minute of joy this Christmas!!! I am better tonight and Christmas eve church is looking like a possibility!