The Umbilical Cord

I remember when I couldn't get pregnant how I would hear friends and strangers say, "being a mom changes everything". I remember thinking, yea yea yea... Your a mom and that's the change.

My weekends consisted of whatever I wanted to do. Maybe laying in bed until three, watching 7 hours of the food network or catching a movie with friends. Now my weekends consist of a highly scheduled list of activities and baby sitters scheduled two months out.

This weekend we snuck away to Dallas for a nice dinner and some r&r at the Ritz. It was nice but I have to admit.... I thought about my kids more than the average momma. I thought about their every move, what they were eating, if they were cold if they missed us and thought about the moment we would reunite- even though it had been less than 24 hours. What?

Our labor/delivery was a drawn out one that lasted from 9pm on one night to 3pm the next day... But once in the delivery room it was FAST. Too fast for me to request that whit cut the cords, too fast for me to ask for a picture of it and too fast for us to bask in the joy of giving life to 3 precious littles.

I'm always sad when I think about what we missed. Sad we had to leave that hospital without the traditional wheel chaired mom holding a baby. Sad that we left them all behind. Sad that we missed those firsts and sad that cords were not cut- at least by us. But what I'm grateful for is this new found attachment that has its' claws in me. While I love my freedom- I love that someone needs me and has my undivided attention.

I love that I can get away for a night with my husband- yet I have these babies needing and awaiting my return. While the umbilical cord was indeed cut- I still feel the weight of their connection. I now know what those moms were talking about- everything has changed.

When we came home they lit up like,"hey I know you" and it melted my heart. I've often struggled with needing a break after being mom for days on end, then when I take a break, I want to be with them. It's a delicate balance that I'm learning more and more every day.

So as the sun goes down on another pretty Sunday, I'm glad to have all my chicks back in the nest. I'm proud to be their mom and proud to say... I'm balancing!!! ;)

Happy Sunday everyone.

Tire Sale

I was driving yesterday when I passed a sign that said, "tire sale". I thought about how many people drove by and didn't even notice. I thought about how I noticed but didn't need tires so I didn't stop. I thought about all the work that probably went into that sale. They probably mailed a flier, changed their website, updated pricing and their employees on the sale. They probably took out an ad in the paper or paid some gorilla to stand on the curb on Saturday to promote the sale. My point is a lot of work went into this sale- when the truth is not very many people notice things like that. Just like our everyday lives.

It made me think of all of my friends and the daily struggle. Whether its kids or just work in general- its a lot of work. That ever- changing hamster wheel that we stay on. I remember talking to someone last weekend at 9:30am when I had been up for two hours- who was still in bed. Dang, I was jealous. Sometimes I think what it everyone just stepped off the wheel?! ;) wouldn't that be nice!

But time marches on and so do we. Work all week and most of the time the weekends are more WORK! But, that's when we relish in the good times. It might be a cold beer on a patio somewhere with loud music or left over pizza and 15 minutes of alone time with the husband. It might be on the front lawn with triplets when no one is watching or it might be at lunch with a friend- it's why we stay on the wheel.

I think there are people who do and people who don't. Those of us who do, could run circles around the don'ts before 9am on a Saturday morning.

So put out your tire sale sign- it's gonna be a busy Saturday.

See all my light and love my dark

Whit and I are making a journey of dedicating the babies. Something we've talked about long before we had babies and a big part of our commitment to each other as a family.

We've been working on ourselves as Christians as well as how we shape their little lives. The process is exciting. I have said it often- God gave us three babies, he must really think we are capable!! ;) and I am feeling this as we plan their dedication. The orientation for the baby d class talked a lot about marriage and example and whit and I are making a huge effort to lead by example. We are working on each other as we work on our sweet three.

We've been busy! Easter, crawfish boil, Baylor parade, ten months, birthdays, march for babies walk, work trip to Vancouver, work and lots and lots of new finger foods!!!!

As we approach one year my heart is overflowing with joy, tears and memories that a year of three blessings comes to a close. It feels funny to say God has no idea what he has given me- but I'm just so full of love for these triplets that I can't even begin to express what an intense, emotional, and joyful year this has been being their mom. Sure there have been dark moments and hard times in caring for three all at once- but they love me in my light and in my dark. And for that- I will forever be changed.

I'm reading Bloom by kelle Hampton(a must read). In just 8 chapters I am moved by her spirit and her good. If I am 1/4 the mom, I would beam.

Happy 25th to our sweet girl Alissa!! We couldn't do it without you.

What if • day 30(final)

Well here it is, the final day of what ifs. I cannot think of a more appropriate day to end my "what if" series.

We had a great weekend. The crawfish boil that grant and Karen hold every year was fun and full of life. We went to a friends birthday party and wrapped up our weekend with a full day of Easter and family. Whew, I'm tired but as I am typing the babies are playing so loud and I am thankful for the noise.

In church today they told the traditional Easter story- except I had never heard of all the thunder and commotion that went on after his crucifixion. I loved knowing that the people who crucified Him were like-" shoot maybe He was the son of God!!" The preacher reminded us that we shouldn't wait for a commotion- we should walk into his inviting arms. I thought a lot about the story and how lucky I was to grow up in a home that knew God and that I have the ability to teach and share his word to my children. I love the stories I already know and the new ones that I learn in this journey. He told us to follow him but to follow closely and not at a distance.... To be faith based and not fear based... To live with boldness and expectation.... A heart of abandonment when it comes to knowing Jesus.

I left feeling full. We picked the babies up from the nursery and I was reminded once again that Gods plans for me are happening. The rest of the day was filled with our babies, lunch, naps and a walk just before the storm. Then in honor of the Masters, Whit made us Arnold Palmers :)

So as I turn off the light on another blessed weekend I am thinking... What if?

What if Jesus didn't sacrifice everything for us? What if he didn't forgive us of all of our sins and love us completely-unconditionally?

Happy Easter everyone.

What if • day 29

Sorry its been so long. Life has definitely gotten in the way... But this post will be full of updates and pics. Hope that makes up for the lack of posts!

I traveled to Vancouver for a fundraising conference this week. While I had been away from the babies for a quick overnight- this was my first 3-4 day trip away. I learned a ton, enjoyed being in a wonderful city, loved being alone (NO ONE asked me to do anything for them one time!!!) and came back rejuvenated with work and my efforts to bring in more money! While the days were filled with learning- the early evenings I had a chance to check out the city! Cherry blossom trees, the beluga whale, a food market that would make the food network blush and a ton of rainy day walking that made me smile. Oh and I ran into the lead singer of bush, Gavin rosdale(I named riggs after him), he was super nice and I was super star struck! We has a nice conversation and he signed this pic I had in my book of the trips.

When I retuned, KJ had given birth to a BEAUTIFUL 9 pound 4 ounce baby girl named Caitlin that I fell instantly in love with. She went home yesterday and they are settling in with their sweet girls.

I settled back into my routine, thankful that I made it to Dallas with the 200+ flight cancellations due to the storms. On Thursday, I was off and met a sweet girl who is struggling with infertility. I met her through a friend of a friend and a heart-grabbing website. Her friends have gotten together and our telling her story in efforts to raise money on her behalf for ivf. Her story is powerful and once I receive permission I will post it here for you to check out. God placed her in my life I am certain. He has plans for us. I felt a sense of calm and peace as I told her our story.. As if he was urging me to be a part of hers.

I love telling this story and it will never get old to me. I love telling people how angry I was and how my heart was set on fire when I witnessed the miracles he places in our lives. Ive always loved him and believed in him but I am ashamed to say I had doubts that burdened my heart after such a long struggle. We had armies praying for us and he answered- who wouldn't want to share that?

This week Alissa told me that our house has a "smell". Not a bad one, you know the kind everyone has that smells like "them". She tried to describe it for me and with no luck she told me to go into my closet. She said, you probably can't smell it.. She was right, I really couldn't. This reminded me of smells growing up and today I thought about the way mema pats house smelled on Easter Sunday. It smelled of mashed potatoes, coconut, oven-cooked brisket and this feeling of "all is good" that I will never be able to describe... I wish there was some closet I could go in, and get close. The babies are ready. They have their Easter duds, their bunny ears, an abundance of sweet potato puffs- all ready for Easter weekend! Oh and a mommy and daddy excited about their first Easter. This was also a church holiday I avoided in the past. I'm proud I say that I will definitely shed some tears on Sunday, but tears of a different kind.

I've asked myself most of the day: what if I wasn't given all of this JOY?!