I think it's mostly their age. I can communicate with them. They can tell me what they want. They know my faces and they know what makes me happy. I love these kids- every inch of them. But sometimes I'm not sure that I was great from about 12-18 months. I think having triplets or multiples for that matter is hard work- but so different from having babies in diff stages at diff times. The guilt we have for not being able to give each child what they need- when they need it, is super hard. The schedule we live and die by- others cannot understand.
Lately I've been able to juggle work, meet deadlines and goals and still do some really fun stuff with these three. I've made more play dates and birthday parties and I've been able to do it without that insane look on my face like I just stepped out of a bounce house. I'm tired at the end of the day but not that ridiculous tired where I wonder if I will ever survive. Sure, there are still those days that things aren't easy but these terrible two's ain't so bad friends. Ha maybe I'm just getting used to the insanity and I don't know the difference{please don't tell me if that's it, please}.
Financially three is hard. Providing seasonal clothes and having fun takes money. With three, growing fast and furious- the expense seems like a lot. But lately we've been making more intentional plans about their futures and ways to save for them.
Then there's the baggage part where in the last year I've made some of the best personal decisions I've ever made. My kids know me more because of these decisions. I'm more available and present and for that- I'm proud. To have your whole life consumed by work and then be able to be with them and still work is like night and day. Even though its been a year- I'm still feeling the release of so many feelings and a happiness that is still settling in on me.
I don't think I realized the weight of my decisions. Feels good to sort of sit back and say, "Ok, I've got this." Today, is one of those days.
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