Working mom hamster wheel

When we were kids we had hamsters. I used to love being their momma and making their "house", a home for them. I made sure they had lots of those tunnels to crawl around in and lots of things to play on- I think I felt bad for them, that they couldn't leave their house. I loved the wheel. Well, until I realized what nocturnal was.

You see, I'm a "must have sleep" girl. So when my hamster started pounding away at the wheel at midnight until 3am- I was over that little guy. He was quickly placed in the hallway. Lately I've felt out of breath and like I'm on that wheel when it comes to the juggle. Life, kids, new work responsibilities- you know, just the routine.

So, I've been looking at ways to plan for the summer and have goals and things to look forward to while really enjoying our weird weather. I've also set mini 3 year house goals in my head and started reading a funny book by one of the writers of the office. I think planning my free time gives me a happy feeling because I feel like I am getting the most out of my one with the kids and my alone time/hubby time.

This also allows me to see the future and not feel overwhelmed with the present.

So here is what is going on...in my head.
Summer Vacation plans
Kitchen remodel thoughts
Are we done having kiddos?
What are Gods next plans for us?
What is he calling us to do?
How do I manage all of my teams at work in an 8 hour day?!
The kids second birthday party
Date nights need to get back on schedule

Lately I've been squeezing in lunch with the kids once a week and a lot of park dates ;) its been 50 degrees in the morning and 70 by lunch. Love it.

Happy Friday.
Hope your weekend is full of yummy food, a good movie, a magazine read and a Starbucks.

Timeline

Tonight I was looking back at my 2010 and 2011 Facebook posts. Not for anything in particular but wanting to re-visit the feeling I had while we were pregnant, in the NICU and when we finally got to come home.

I quickly remembered the uncertainty and hope that I could clearly read{between the lines} in each post. I had this blanket self that I would put out there and the behind the blanket that was really happening. I read the may 31st post that said we were all happy and healthy and that was so incredibly far from what was going on. Happy yes. Scared to death and begging God to let me keep those three, YES. Healthy, not exactly.

I fumbled for lies and words for friends and made up excuses for visitors because I couldn't look at their faces when they saw them or when they looked at the tubes and Ivs in their heads. I didn't need anyone to feel sorry for us- I was doing it all by myself. I loved texts because they couldn't see the hives on my bare chest or watch me itch my eczema on my hands that was in full force from all of the hand washing.

I'm humbled by my experience and have often voiced this. I think I'm a better mom and wouldn't have learned what I learned had we not had the experience. Not just about babies, but believing in people, trusting in others, knowing God will carry us.

My friends baby is on the going home list from the NiCU. She is scared, excited and eager to get that little baby home. We had coffee and talked about what was around the corner. I quickly remembered that thrilling, yet terrifying feeling that coursed trough my veins. I think being a momma does that to you, being a preemie survivor does it to you more. She will be great- he will thrive and because of their NICU stay- she will cherish every single minute with him.

I think as we grow in our lives, in our jobs, in ourselves- it's worth your while to revisit your timeline. It's humbling. Reminds us to be thankful, to be present and to be gracious for what we have accomplished.

As we march into 2013 I will be working on my personal march for babies campaign. A mission that changed my life 20 months ago. I might work for the mission but the mission worked for me before I was even aware. Details on our family team coming soon.

We have almost wrapped up the stomach virus here at our house... A timeline I never want to revisit. Hope your weekend is full and you take time to be present.

1/3 sick

This week has been hard. Of course I'd like to write a bunch of pretty in this space and show you I'm super duper mom but I have fallen short this week.

Gianna has had a bug. An every twenty minute, trash can grabbing bug that went from 6 one evening to 5 am the next- and still hasn't completely gone away. Whit and I were beat. This is a busy season for my work and Whit's stays busy, so juggling was a must. We kept the boys separate and took turns working sprinkled with lots of work on Alissa's part. It took all of us.

But in all the juggle I found humor in what one sick baby looks like. Gianna wanted to be held 24 hours a day and the other two still required feeding, changing, entertainment etc. It couldn't be your typical sick baby scene. There were still 3.

This also reminded me of what people must think of our household routine. What they think meeting for lunch looks like. For example... When we meet for lunch it requires the 12 hours prior to go as planned. Naps must be exact, a lunch for three must be packed, bibs, disposable placemats, foods that entertain, Riggs paci, meds for whatever, but THREE of it all. Because there are never three high chairs anywhere, this requires carrying three hook on table ones in the car just in case. And two people aren't enough because you can't carry two and the stuff while one person carries the third, hooks on the high chairs etc- with a whole lot of grace! And that's just lunch. A play date is a whole other thing. So, to be clear, no complaining here- just clearing my mind about what this house looks like 30 minutes before church... Get the picture? I don't think people think its easy but the whole " I don't know how you do it" line rolls off of tongues and I smile and say, " oh we just do it" and " oh we don't have other children, so we don't know any other way" but what I want to say is..." there are three and its a circus!!!"

So when one is sick. Balance is not there. Just like with one baby but imagine not being able to care for two other equally needy babies that want you at the very same time.

Sometimes when we are in a restaurant they are perfect and some days it's just off -just really off- I look around and I see people judging us- I tease whit about who's idea was three embryos(it was mine!) and we laugh because as nuts as we look- we love our nuts. And we work really hard at being on top of our situation- that's the best we can do.

Prayers have been a focus this week. We have been working on short ones with AMEN as a focal point ending. Becker is getting it quickly! Have a good weekend everyone!!

Lord, thank you for these sweet little souls and for entrusting us to shape them. Amen.

After church clothes

When I was a kid we went to church almost every Sunday. I loved a routine and loved spending the night with mema pat and doing the whole rush around Sunday morning, Sunday lunch, after church clothes and rest of the day was yours-routine. You know.. The whole I praised Him and I feel really good about our relationship and how full my belly is and.... Where are my after church clothes?

If you didn't go you were still in your pajamas and you felt like a slob and when I was a kiddo I often thought God was disappointed in my attendance(still do). In our house if we didn't go to church, we didn't get to go out for lunch- and as a kid- you might as well have told me the whole day was shot! I still feel this way.

Lately we have done really well with our Sunday routine. Whit works Sunday's so he does the early rush with me, goes to church in his own separate vehicle, helps me get them loaded to go home and he heads to work. It's a lot, but we do it. Sometimes it's almost comical and sometimes once that praise music hits my ears- I'm renewed.

Today we were running late. GG had to be changed twice because her clothes were too big, my tights were awkward, it felt like the heat in our house was on 90 and at one point it would have been so easy(I assure you I wouldn't have had any arguments) to say, forget this, let's lounge today. But no. Whit surprised me and had told me late last night that this Sunday he was taking off- and it would not be wasted!!

We marched on in 11 minutes late and a sweet lady found us perfect seats. In our church about 40% of the congregation raises their hands during praise. Becker has seen this before but today he noticed. He immediately put his palm toward Jesus and I couldn't believe this sweet boy. GG people watched and Riggs danced. This Momma's heart was full.

After church we took stew/cornbread to a sweet family who just had their 2nd bundle of {boy}. He was edible. The kids and whit were in the car so I only loved on him for a bit, but, wow. He was so perfect. The mood was perfect. Just how it should be. She looked radiant. That good momma feeling washed over me with no warning at all.

Then we ran to target, home for some lunch necessities and called my family to meet at Ninfa's. After an easy going lunch we took them to the mall. They played at the mini play area and then since there was no one there- they walked literally half the length of the mall. Gianna tried to shoplift in build a bear, they couldn't believe the lights or the mannequins or the sheer freedom they were experiencing. It was so good.

We returned home and as they went down for their nap I put on my after church clothes. They are even better now, now that I'm making these choices. 2013 is full of choices. I want to be more conscious of what I choose for my children, who I choose to spend time with and more importantly, spending more time being quiet with God. I also want to sculpt my children into feeling that time of praise is- just what we do.

Saying "amen" is where we will start tomorrow.