3

The babies have decided they are big and morning naps are a thing of the past. So today, was the first day of the new schedule. It was a long day, but we are at the end of it- it's an accomplishment.

I think often about how with one they dictate the schedule and you roll with it- but with three, you watch, look, listen and basically majority rules. If two are tired- they go down and sorry luck for the odd man out. But the schedule is something we live by. It's not to be messed with. They expect it and thrive by it- it works.

They love being outside, so this allows for more time to play with chalk, the sandbox and more walks! The weather looks like it will be great this weekend so we are planing some outdoor time for sure!

I'm entering my super busy month for work. I'm filled with energy, a buzz of anxiety, a happy rush of success not yet grasped and of course fear of failure. This makes my heart tight and my fuse short. I do not like this so i try to focus on my life as a whole and not just the fuel behind the feeling. I thought tonight a lot about how different our lives could have ended up and how my anxiety could be of a different kind. Makes me want to live each day in the moment of now. Every cold snap, every wet day that I get to break out my rain boots and every extra hour they are awake and not in their cribs. Every night that I get to feel their soft breath against mine.

I'm already missing bottles, the way they played on their mat last winter, the way I decorated for Christmas during one nap time, the way the dream feed calmed me as much as them, the way their monitors would go off because of low battery or loose leads{it made me nuts but I liked how safe they made me feel}, the way for once, I felt whole, at such a time of emptiness, in holidays past. I miss every step.

It was a complete miracle that we had a baby and 3, that's just crazy.