So tonight, she wouldn't eat. Come to think of it, she really only ate one bottle willingly today. Because we have three we do most of our daily routine in the living room. The only time we are in their room is to walk in and pick them up out of their cribs or to put them in their cribs. We play in the living room, eat in the living room, change diapers in the living room- everything in the living room.
Because I couldn't get her happy and because Aunt Amy and Aunt Sterling were here to help, I was able to walk Gianna back and rock her to sleep. I'm usually spinning around the house in crazy mode so this was a rare and welcomed, occasion.
As I was rocking her she was looking at me. Her eyes were heavy and I could see she felt awful. They are pretty blue and looked glassy. I closed my eyes and just enjoyed holding her. I started thinking that as much pain as infertility had brought me that if this was the reward, I was glad for the tough journey. But my mind won't let me only think of the reward without reminding me of, what if there was never a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?
I also thought that if I still wasn't pregnant and still had not had a baby...I would be angered, had I read this post on someone's blog. But what I thought as I rocked even more was no, this would bring me hope. A hope that I never read when I was struggling. A hope that was real and that I could put my hands around. I was at the bottom with no hope and here I am rocking this baby, my baby to sleep.
What if I wasn't given this story to share and to give hope to the hopeless?
No comments:
Post a Comment