What if • day 14

I used to read magazines. When I got home from work I would go work out, come home, put on my pajamas, start dinner and read magazines. Mostly Martha Stewart or Rachel Ray. I also loved cooking light and Blueprint. I was bad about cleaning up after dinner getting in the bath tub and reading more magazines. When I went into labor I asked whit to tell one of our friends that was bringing me a bag to bring MAGS!! He brought me three. This was in May and yesterday... I found them. I had not even opened them.

Earlier this week I bought a new leather bound prayer book. It's called prayers with a purpose. I kept thinking how nice it would be to sit in a restaurant and not talk to anyone and just read quietly. I thought how I needed to look less at scheduling time and reserve time for myself, even if it was just 15 minutes to be quiet.

I'm realizing now that it wasn't about loving magazines, movies, working out or even baths- but loving that time alone, lost in thought. Lately, there has been very little time for that important aspect in my life. We went from hours of alone time, to none.

I asked my friend Kristin when I would feel normal again or when I would feel not so torn when I did get out for a movie- she quickly informed me that the feeling would never go back to before but that I would get used to the new normal. I felt off. Like something was missing in my routine. Like we were on a hamster wheel of a routine, with no breaks. I was tired until they were about 5 months but lately I've felt strong again and for the first time in over 8 months I spent the entire night reading magazines!!!! Im energized! It's funny how a small thing missing from your routine, affects you in such a big way.

I think when we take time to ourselves we are better parents, better friends and better spouses. Gianna preferred I keep the magazine reading to the allotted 15. She had bigger plans for us.

What if we were on hamster wheels? What if we never took time for ourselves? What if we gave ourselves one 30 minute away break away from the house alone to just be?