Pause

I wanted to take a moment to pause from the 'what if's' and state some facts that might help some readers understand where I'm coming from in posting and sharing. This place is meant for me to share my story on how I got to where I am in infertility. Sometimes, I venture off topic to share more about me and my life. Sometimes the topics may be less comfortable, even a dose of the truth. However, I can assure you that I have left out many hurtful details that were big pieces of my puzzle- to salvage feelings.

I know as a Christian I am to forgive 7x70 times. I will continue to do this- even while under fire. However, for me this is part of the forgiving process- even for the hurts that happened 20 years ago. A place if you will, to get my story on "paper" while it plays out.

I've taken responsibility for the hurts I've caused my whole life and never dreamed that giving a vague stage set of my life and how others shaped it- would cause so much turmoil. I spoke with a friend today and she said, "I can assure you that you didn't say anything that should upset someone so much... Unless they feel guilty, and they're the only ones who can make peace with that."

There is a part of me that thinks it's funny to have a blog for close to two years that no one knew existed then you lay out a little dirt and your number of readers climb by the hundreds. Sad, but true.

Everyone has a story and choosing to share it is our own choice. I don't think telling my story can change the events or the people in my life. I do think it can empower more forgiving hearts, more listening and more understanding. I read on a blog I follow where he said, " sure I feel judged sometimes, but I know ultimately where my final judgement will come from. "Human" judgements are invalid, they are merely opinions, which I welcome..." How true is that?!

So as I venture on telling my story, I will continue to tell my story and I will continue to leave out the painful details to spare others the pain- even though their actions caused me pain. I will continue to forgive and rejoice in what I have been given in trade of these painful moments. I hope that those that are offended will choose to stop reading. I'm done feeling attacked and glad for a place to tell my story. After all, it is mine. Back to the 'what ifs' soon.