c h a n g e is good

I'm awful at change. I've never been good at "following my heart" because I resist any sort of direction or push. I don't listen to God telling me his plan as often as I wish I did- as often as I should. This applies to major life decisions, friendships, as well as the day to day. 

Lately He has been working on my heart and pushing me in a direction I've fought. I've fought not wanting to accept defeat but I'm starting to see that it isn't defeat at all- it's opportunity. I think when we give up the fight on something we know isn't right/good for us- in comes growth. I feel the winds of change and today I'm welcoming that change. Welcoming the growth in that change and the freedom that comes with growth. Breathing easier knowing that it is a great decision for me and my family. Clarity. 

I see resistance in my kids, even at two. I think we resist anything out of the ordinary or the unknown. I also think it's in our nature to fight back against change a little even though our guts tell us- this is for the good. I also think change along the road is how we grow, learn and broaden our circle a little.

Lots of change this week. The triplets start school and yea- that's change I'm fighting. It may seem super natural and of course a much needed socialization- but also, control that I am giving up. Trusting in others to love my kids. Trusting them to not harm them. Trusting them to see them as children and to always do right by them. I'm also really excited for them because I know Becker will watch others and learn to stand up for himself a little better. I know Riggs will be his usual cautious self but at the same time learn to take turns and to share with kids outside of his triangle. Oh and gg, well, that girl will learn to be without her comfort circle and learn to trust others and to make friends when we aren't around. {she has no plans of napping while there}

Last weekend was a good one. We had a patio date night after the kids hit the sack and went to a couples shower Saturday night. Sunday, whit made a pallet, skipped church and loved on the 3 while it poured rain- while i went to church. we spent the afternoon in the backyard playing in all things water.

This weekend is Father's Day and I cannot wait to celebrate Whit.  A dad that works a lot, misses a lot of time with his kids, never complains and loves us all, a whole lot. He is good and we plan to squeeze every drop of love out of him this Sunday to prove it. 

Hope everyone is enjoying the heat and taking some time off.

Twenty Four Months

Today the triplets turned two. It was a day of celebration and a weekend filled with everything Riggs, Becker and Gianna. They were fun and while they didn't know it was their birthday- they knew something was special about the weekend.

I'm tired. I've lost my voice and my asthma is giving me a bad time but their party left me feeling a rush of the last two years- a trophy if you will. We made it- all five of us have survived another year. They've learned to walk. They've learned to talk. They've learned who people are. They've learned boundaries. I've learned who we are as parents and who we are not. I've learned my boundaries and while I still wonder how all this happened so fast- I'm settling into this beautiful life. I get it now. I think I gain more understanding each day. It's good. 

So as I turn off the lights tonight I'm reminded once again that the third time is a charm. I'm so grateful for the power of fertility and so grateful that we kept pushing. I'm grateful for this sweet miracle of three. Thank you God. Thank you for these blessings. 

Turning Two

I've been putting this off thinking it would go away- somehow if I didn't post this- we would magically stay 23 months. Before I was pregnant I used to think the way moms kept up with how old their kids were via months- was dumb. This week it hit me why they do that- because once they are two, you stop saying, " oh they are 6 months or 18 months!" You switch to years and that is when the baby stage is over. I'm in full blown denial mode. 

We've been planning the party for months now and for some reason it was like a surgery that I never thought would arrive. Well it's here and I'm struggling. I know, I know-cliche as it may sound- I'm not ready. Here is where I'd like to say, " I'm different!" And claim some newborn forever right because I struggled to get pregnant. But I know all mommas like the momma-ing part the best. Because as hard as those days are when everyone is crying to be held at the same time or when everyone wants to play with the same toy and cannot believe anyone invented the word share or when I wonder , how in the heck did we get here- it's the momma to infants stage that gets us right in the heart. 

I feel a little bit crazy not celebrating this major event. I mean, yes we will celebrate and do the birthday up so good- but in my heart the blown out candles are a sad view of days gone. When I think about today and what I was doing two years ago today I laugh a little knowing that little did I know- baby A had plans to make his debut in just five short days. I was feeling good- telling everyone I knew I would push to 35 or maybe 36 weeks. But at 29 weeks and 5 days my crew of three met my eyes and the world got brighter in more ways than I ever knew possible. My mom had died the year before and with so much confusion swirling around- these three- they made perfect sense. I was meant to be a momma and this was proof of "All in His time."

So as everyone is putting out the red, white and blue Memorial Day decorations-  I hope you will remember us that day too. When there is so much sadness in our world and so much disaster among us- there is life and celebration- and miracles from above.

Hi, my name is Becki and my triplets turn two in five days.

Leave it to Beaver

We started planning our vacation before Christmas. We were convinced that the babies needed to experience the beach. By we, I mean alissa and myself. We scoured websites and travel magazines like it was our job. We finally decided on a quaint and trendy little strip in Florida, called Seaside.

Alissa and I made a video presentation for whit and sold him on the plan as well. We knew we had to go before their second birthday or they couldn't fly as lap babies and we would have to fork out another 1300 or so. So- early may it was! We finalized everything around February and the lists followed.

We had a list for packing, a meal list, a to-do list, a grocery list and even a list of things we would do and in what order we would do them - prior to getting there. We were ready for 7 days of pure bliss. We downloaded new books on our kindles and had visions of napless days and hours spent in a cute tent on the beach.

We made little bags for our fellow passengers with sweets and ear plugs and a cute note from the triplets apologizing if they came un-glued. We packed our own backpacks with iPads, snacks, activity books and games for each baby. We packed a 100lb suitcase for the babies with two swimsuits a piece for every baby- everyday.

We left our house at 6am and it was w70 degrease. When we arrived in Dallas to catch our flight it was 52. We quickly checked in and unloaded really confused triplets who are used to sleeping in until 9-10am everyday and threw on the only sweatshirts I brought them. Oh, and they were wearing shorts. They were angels on the plane. Perfect angels. When we arrived to our house in Florida it was about 3:30. They needed a nap so we quickly got everything together. Gianna couldn't believe we would put her in a foreign crib in a foreign house. She cried and cried. It broke my heart. This would clearly not work.

While they attempted a nap, alissa and I went to the store where we bought hundreds in groceries for these meals we had planned. We got home and it was clear gg would not be resting in that crib- ever. The next two days were hard. No one could get adjusted. The wind was cold and I was feeling beat down. Had I rushed this beach trip? Did I have illusions that they were ready for this. I'm a little bit embarrassed to admit this but this is what I envisioned:

Us playing on the beach with a tent for shade coverage

Taking a quick nap everyday only if everyone needed it

Everyone's routine not being effected much

Glorious mid 80's weather

June and ward Cleaver at the reins of this beach trip extravaganza( if you were born after 1978 watch an episode of leave it to beaver)

Us eating out of beach bento boxes filled with grilled chicken Caesar wraps and hummus with veggie sticks

Late night adult nights filled with drinks and laughter

See where I'm headed here???????

So on day three when the morning started with crying and fits and my will was crushed, I had a huge talk with myself and with the Man. I asked ( who am i kidding, i begged for some wisdom). Then- We started this morning nap routine where we would put them down(not gg, she only slept with one of us), where we would let them sleep until they woke up. You see, since they are triplets, we have never let them sleep until they wake- we've always kept them on a routine to keep the flow easy. They would sleep from 10-2pm, eat lunch then we would hang out and enjoy the beach(which also started warming up and the rain went away), dinner, then the boys would go down(after two unsuccessful nights of gg making herself throw up to avoid the crib) and life was good!!!

Yes, this vacation was turning a corner!!! We began letting the nap rule the day and suddenly the awake hours fell into a perfect bliss. There were never hours upon hours doing anything- they aren't two and my expectations were too too much. This reminds me of my expectations of myself as a mom.

Sometimes I see others doing this amazing job and I have all these lists of things I want to do for them and how I want it all done when at the end of the day they are simply crazy about me- without the lists, without the beach, without any of the expectations.

Ward and June cleaver kind of make me nuts. I strive for that and when I'm reaching for more and more and more- I find myself out of breath saying "what was I after in the first place?" My kids don't know what perfect is. They don't compare me and they don't think something is better than something else- but they do recognize love. They know good love. So when GiGi chose to sleep with us over a foreign crib- it melted me. I loved every kick in my ribs, every sweaty forehead to mine and every single 6 am morning.

When we got pregnant with these babies we were at the end of a frayed rope. To say I prayed for a baby is a huge understatement. I think my heart might have swelled outside of my body when that plus came up on the test. Being a mom often reminds me of my mom and the relationship I feel like alcohol cheated. It reminds me how I found out I was pregnant just months after she passed away. But most of all it reminds me of the daily gift I have been given to create life and love in my home, again and again with every hug, smile and kiss.

We survived our trip and this weekend wrapped up the week. It was all a perfect reminder of the joys in my life and how perfect is all relative. Happy Mother's Day! I hope yours was perfect ;)

Restoration

I've been pulled in a million different directions in the last few months. Work. Babies/Toddlers. Marriage. Friends. I am good at the juggle- I just feel heavy inside. It always feels so incredible when you reach that pinnacle and get to take a deep breath.

My event was front and center and that meant going to work early and getting off late. It is so strange to me how life after kids changes the emotions you carry. I remember living in this selfish world, not knowing(or even thinking) what we wold eat for dinner, what time we would both be getting home or what the entire week looked like on Sunday night. Now I plan it all in my head by Saturday at 4. These three have me planning my plan. I love it. So as I ease back into the normal routine- if there is ever a normal around here..we are soaking up our backyard.

Spring is here in Texas. I forget how much I LOVE APRIL. I am so used to extremes that I forget what the middle looks like! Low 70's- yes please. We've spent so much time outside. They eat outside, play outside and as soon as the water in the hose turns warmer- I can't promise there won't be any baths outside. We went with little expectations to our first Baylor baseball game. We ran into Aunt Karen and Uncle Grant and they just thought they were getting away for a secret date. The triplets made sure this wasn't the case. 

 Our sensory girl obviously is over that whole mess. She loves the water table and thinks the backyard has been transformed when it's filled. Becker thinks it's hilarious to turn over and dump out. Riggs, our engineer, is more interested in how it all works. These guys will be two next month and I am struggling with where the last twenty-three months have gone.

There has been so much tragedy in our nation this past week. Boston and West have been heavy on this momma's heart. There are a million different angles to look at these two tragedies and I think being a mom to three young children I take the mom view. I think about all of the loved ones on the side lines of the Boston Marathon. I think about how they are someone's children and someone was worried about them. Sounds small but when my kids are with a sitter I worry, I think as moms, the second our babies are born( or the entire pregnancy), we have this new gene, the worry gene, that crops up in our gut. I bet when the explosion occurred in West there were worried mommas all over the place. Moms that were far away from their kids, moms who held their babies tight wondering where they would get a package of diapers or a warm bottle for their baby. Needing things is hard to wrap our heads around. We have what we need, until a tragedy strikes. I am typing listening to Whit snore, my sound machine muffle my lab breathing hard and a huge glass of water on my night stand. I don't need anything. Turn off my power and disable my forms of communication and HOUSTON, we have a problem. Add that to any form of doubt/major safety scare for a loved one and you have a disaster on your hands. I am without words and as some sense of normalcy returns for the great people of West and Boston- I cannot understand the pain and loss they are feeling tonight. I hope in the coming weeks they gain restoration. I hope they feel the heavy weight of prayers pouring over them and their families. 

Gianna, we call her gg. She's quirky. She has a sense of humor that I already see. I am so thankful for what she brings to this trio. People have asked me a lot lately if we plan on having another one. I think it must be because they are turning two and in the typical family plan- you begin to try for another after your baby turns two or so. I laugh usually and say, "no, I think, we are good with our three!" But sometimes my mind wonders and I can't help but to want to read Gods mind. I think when we were trying for those long six years, I never asked Him what he thought- it was mostly about what I wanted. Lately, I've thought a lot about this plan he has rolled out for us. It really is perfect.  I've always said He has a sense of humor. I remember praying for three. Not necessarily all at once- just three babies in our life- period. I also said, on one particularly greedy night,  please, Lord, let one be a girl. 

He restored me on May 27th, 2011. He gave me everything I asked for, all at once. He answered every single prayer that I prayed. I think it was his proof to me that he was on my side- even when I doubted Him. 

Satisfied, that is my new answer when someone asks, because we are. I am restored, freed and in love with these three. There isn't enough time in the day to drink them in......

So many people shaping these sweet babies. My heart is full. We planned our first-ever beach trip. Our first flight with the triplets. Our first trip out of state.  I cannot wait. I am filled with fear, uncertainty, excitement, hope and most of all JOY. Seaside, here we come. 

Enjoy this video. I just love it. 

One day all babies will be born healthy...

This year, we celebrate our babies' Riggs, Becker & Gianna's second birthday. Two years of joy. Two years of learning. Two years of working with so many others to get our sweet 3 healthy and developmentally on track. Two years of making sure they are seen for their abilities and their character. 

When our triplets were born early at 29 weeks, we were scared and saddened by the challenges we knew they’d face. Many of our concerns grew out of fears we had about having triplets. Knowing they would come early. Knowing they would be tiny. Knowing they would live in the NICU for some amount of time. But we had hope; hope that they wouldn't come that early and be that tiny...

    

After five painful years of struggling with infertility, we finally found out we were pregnant!...with triplets! We were filled with excitement, but knew we were facing a high-risk pregnancy. Our gynecologist told us that triplets rarely make it past 32 weeks gestation, which brings a series of serious complications. 

When my water broke at 29 weeks, we were terrified. I couldn't face the thought of three 2 pound babies fighting for their lives. Unlike your typical delivery room, we had over 30 doctors, nurses and surgical techs waiting access our newborns and take them directly to the NICU. It was organized chaos. 

Gavin Riggs, Grant Becker & Gianna Grace were born on May 27th, 2011 weighing in at 2.8, 2.12, and 2.10, respectively. We were overcome with a mix of emotions; joy, anxiety and an array of questions about what was to come. During the next 9 weeks, the doctors, nurses, respiratory therapist and nurse practitioners held our babies in the palms of their hands. 

Devastatingly, after just a few weeks in the NICU, all three babies were diagnosed with NEC, Necrotizing Entercolitis, a gastrointestinal disease that causes destruction of the bowel. Although it only affects 1 in 2,000-4000 births, NEC is the most serious gastrointestinal disorder among hospitalized infants. All three babies were diagnosed and treated early because of the work of the March of Dimes. Because of their research and programs, our triplets were given a fighting chance to beat the odds. 

Thank you March of Dimes, the Shepherd Triplets are all home & healthy because of the incredible work you do.

Since the triplets were born, we have dedicated ourselves to joining with the March of Dimes to raise money to save more lives. 

This year, we have a goal of raising $3,000 for our family team, The Shep Trips. Please join us by spreading the word and making a donation to MOD in honor of our triplets' second birthday. Every bit adds up--$5, $10. Small gifts of thoughtfulness make a powerful difference. 

Go here http://www.marchforbabies.org/s_team_page.asp?seid=2034184 to donate. [ on the right-hand side of the screen, there is a purple button that says 'donate to this team' ]

Your tax-deductible donation will benefit babies and their families. Our family sincerely thanks you. We will continue our efforts to give back.

The March of Dimes has been dedicated to working toward stronger, healthier babies since 1938. Founded by President Franklin Roosevelt, MOD created vaccines that cured polio. MOD's focus has since shifted to premature birth & birth defects with research breakthroughs that have saved thousands of babies' lives.