He is jealous for me.

When we struggled to get pregnant I clung to the David crowder song, how he loves. I think I've talked about it here before but like the scars on my heart,  the song is sort of tattood on my mind. The lyrics say "he is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane I am the tree, bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.  I feel like our painful struggle was painful for Him. Like when Riggs continues to disobey me and I have to set into motion a dicipline plan. I don't enjoy it, I actually give like 400 warnings before I actually do it because his pain is painful for me. I think our God is in pain watching us struggle but knows our ultimate plans and knows He has us all in His grip. I used to soak in the "He is jealous for me " part, but never took the song further until after the trips came. The song goes on to say " and heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest. I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about --oh how He loves us..oh"

I'm certain that was His message to me when He gave us these babies. It was clear and it was written for me in that moment. It feels strange to be jealous. It feels wrong and awkward but I think Jesus knows our hearts and takes that pain and need right from our hands and says, " I am what you need"

Mema pat turned 85 last week. She has faced a tough year of bladder cancer, bladder removal surgery and a life of adjustments. She has thrived. Selfishly , I struggle with all the changes but when I looked at a photo album of the kids just home from the hospital- she was in a lot of the pictures. His timing is perfect all the time. She has been strong and has been able to participate fully in their lives and to see her so present gives me hope in her strength. She is rock solid and 85. 

Summer came and went with a bang. Our beach trip was awesome and well documented. It was the first trip I've been on in my whole life that I wanted to stay longer rather than come home. Next year we are talking two weeks. 

So back to school, routines and extra curriculars. Back to planned meals, tight schedules and structure in the day to day. I'm looking forward to the cooler temps, backyard meals and uggs. Our new routines are finally feeling good and solid. New schedules are falling into place and it feels like business as usual. 

Tomorrow we have our third soccer game and plan to hit up the cultural arts festival after. Happy Saturday friends!