Twenty Four Months

Today the triplets turned two. It was a day of celebration and a weekend filled with everything Riggs, Becker and Gianna. They were fun and while they didn't know it was their birthday- they knew something was special about the weekend.

I'm tired. I've lost my voice and my asthma is giving me a bad time but their party left me feeling a rush of the last two years- a trophy if you will. We made it- all five of us have survived another year. They've learned to walk. They've learned to talk. They've learned who people are. They've learned boundaries. I've learned who we are as parents and who we are not. I've learned my boundaries and while I still wonder how all this happened so fast- I'm settling into this beautiful life. I get it now. I think I gain more understanding each day. It's good. 

So as I turn off the lights tonight I'm reminded once again that the third time is a charm. I'm so grateful for the power of fertility and so grateful that we kept pushing. I'm grateful for this sweet miracle of three. Thank you God. Thank you for these blessings. 

Turning Two

I've been putting this off thinking it would go away- somehow if I didn't post this- we would magically stay 23 months. Before I was pregnant I used to think the way moms kept up with how old their kids were via months- was dumb. This week it hit me why they do that- because once they are two, you stop saying, " oh they are 6 months or 18 months!" You switch to years and that is when the baby stage is over. I'm in full blown denial mode. 

We've been planning the party for months now and for some reason it was like a surgery that I never thought would arrive. Well it's here and I'm struggling. I know, I know-cliche as it may sound- I'm not ready. Here is where I'd like to say, " I'm different!" And claim some newborn forever right because I struggled to get pregnant. But I know all mommas like the momma-ing part the best. Because as hard as those days are when everyone is crying to be held at the same time or when everyone wants to play with the same toy and cannot believe anyone invented the word share or when I wonder , how in the heck did we get here- it's the momma to infants stage that gets us right in the heart. 

I feel a little bit crazy not celebrating this major event. I mean, yes we will celebrate and do the birthday up so good- but in my heart the blown out candles are a sad view of days gone. When I think about today and what I was doing two years ago today I laugh a little knowing that little did I know- baby A had plans to make his debut in just five short days. I was feeling good- telling everyone I knew I would push to 35 or maybe 36 weeks. But at 29 weeks and 5 days my crew of three met my eyes and the world got brighter in more ways than I ever knew possible. My mom had died the year before and with so much confusion swirling around- these three- they made perfect sense. I was meant to be a momma and this was proof of "All in His time."

So as everyone is putting out the red, white and blue Memorial Day decorations-  I hope you will remember us that day too. When there is so much sadness in our world and so much disaster among us- there is life and celebration- and miracles from above.

Hi, my name is Becki and my triplets turn two in five days.

Leave it to Beaver

We started planning our vacation before Christmas. We were convinced that the babies needed to experience the beach. By we, I mean alissa and myself. We scoured websites and travel magazines like it was our job. We finally decided on a quaint and trendy little strip in Florida, called Seaside.

Alissa and I made a video presentation for whit and sold him on the plan as well. We knew we had to go before their second birthday or they couldn't fly as lap babies and we would have to fork out another 1300 or so. So- early may it was! We finalized everything around February and the lists followed.

We had a list for packing, a meal list, a to-do list, a grocery list and even a list of things we would do and in what order we would do them - prior to getting there. We were ready for 7 days of pure bliss. We downloaded new books on our kindles and had visions of napless days and hours spent in a cute tent on the beach.

We made little bags for our fellow passengers with sweets and ear plugs and a cute note from the triplets apologizing if they came un-glued. We packed our own backpacks with iPads, snacks, activity books and games for each baby. We packed a 100lb suitcase for the babies with two swimsuits a piece for every baby- everyday.

We left our house at 6am and it was w70 degrease. When we arrived in Dallas to catch our flight it was 52. We quickly checked in and unloaded really confused triplets who are used to sleeping in until 9-10am everyday and threw on the only sweatshirts I brought them. Oh, and they were wearing shorts. They were angels on the plane. Perfect angels. When we arrived to our house in Florida it was about 3:30. They needed a nap so we quickly got everything together. Gianna couldn't believe we would put her in a foreign crib in a foreign house. She cried and cried. It broke my heart. This would clearly not work.

While they attempted a nap, alissa and I went to the store where we bought hundreds in groceries for these meals we had planned. We got home and it was clear gg would not be resting in that crib- ever. The next two days were hard. No one could get adjusted. The wind was cold and I was feeling beat down. Had I rushed this beach trip? Did I have illusions that they were ready for this. I'm a little bit embarrassed to admit this but this is what I envisioned:

Us playing on the beach with a tent for shade coverage

Taking a quick nap everyday only if everyone needed it

Everyone's routine not being effected much

Glorious mid 80's weather

June and ward Cleaver at the reins of this beach trip extravaganza( if you were born after 1978 watch an episode of leave it to beaver)

Us eating out of beach bento boxes filled with grilled chicken Caesar wraps and hummus with veggie sticks

Late night adult nights filled with drinks and laughter

See where I'm headed here???????

So on day three when the morning started with crying and fits and my will was crushed, I had a huge talk with myself and with the Man. I asked ( who am i kidding, i begged for some wisdom). Then- We started this morning nap routine where we would put them down(not gg, she only slept with one of us), where we would let them sleep until they woke up. You see, since they are triplets, we have never let them sleep until they wake- we've always kept them on a routine to keep the flow easy. They would sleep from 10-2pm, eat lunch then we would hang out and enjoy the beach(which also started warming up and the rain went away), dinner, then the boys would go down(after two unsuccessful nights of gg making herself throw up to avoid the crib) and life was good!!!

Yes, this vacation was turning a corner!!! We began letting the nap rule the day and suddenly the awake hours fell into a perfect bliss. There were never hours upon hours doing anything- they aren't two and my expectations were too too much. This reminds me of my expectations of myself as a mom.

Sometimes I see others doing this amazing job and I have all these lists of things I want to do for them and how I want it all done when at the end of the day they are simply crazy about me- without the lists, without the beach, without any of the expectations.

Ward and June cleaver kind of make me nuts. I strive for that and when I'm reaching for more and more and more- I find myself out of breath saying "what was I after in the first place?" My kids don't know what perfect is. They don't compare me and they don't think something is better than something else- but they do recognize love. They know good love. So when GiGi chose to sleep with us over a foreign crib- it melted me. I loved every kick in my ribs, every sweaty forehead to mine and every single 6 am morning.

When we got pregnant with these babies we were at the end of a frayed rope. To say I prayed for a baby is a huge understatement. I think my heart might have swelled outside of my body when that plus came up on the test. Being a mom often reminds me of my mom and the relationship I feel like alcohol cheated. It reminds me how I found out I was pregnant just months after she passed away. But most of all it reminds me of the daily gift I have been given to create life and love in my home, again and again with every hug, smile and kiss.

We survived our trip and this weekend wrapped up the week. It was all a perfect reminder of the joys in my life and how perfect is all relative. Happy Mother's Day! I hope yours was perfect ;)