c a n c e r s u c k s

Just a few weeks ago we found out that our Mema Pat had bladder cancer. I haven't been able to talk about it much less blog about until today. Mostly because of our great news but also because I have been able to grasp some really good stuff from some conversations we have had lately. She blows me away with her strength, amazing grip on her relationship with God and her peace in the company of family.

On the morning of the surgery she was positive, collected and had more visitors than most people have at a baby shower. She is loved. It was a large, aggressive tumor in her bladder that was malignant. The days leading up to the surgery and the day of the surgery, I was a mess. I held it together. She seemed so good with it all that I felt foolish crying or letting my mind linger to the questions and the what ifs. She rocked the surgery and with the exception of one low heart rate hic-up, it went smoothly. The doctor came in the room and the room was hushed with sullen faces. My family all staring at one another, yet avoiding eye contact. He said, "we got it all- it wasn't in the muscle." We cried, knowing those were the nine exact words we wanted. She was home the next day. Riggs couldn't believe we wouldn't let him run all over the bed. He couldn't understand why Mema couldn't tote him around or pick him up and down. She had us scoot a bench up to the bed so he could get up and down a minimum of a 100 times.

It was business as usual. Our conversations in the days leading up to the surgery seemed small, when at the time they seemed so big, I couldn't swallow the words. She said she had no regrets- well.., except, these three babies and not getting to see them grown. It broke me. It stole my heart right out of my chest. To have her home and not thinking about anything but Easter plans and lunch with her girls- that was it. That was what we wanted. Needed. 

Routines were back to normal. Picnics, visits to memas via the choo- choo and calmed hearts. Life was back and it was good. We even broke out some spring attire. We made a trip to Magnolia farms for a chicken visit. Becks was terrified but Riggs was wondering why he wasn't wearing boots like the other kids. 

St. Patty's day was the day after she came home. Never seemed like a holiday until this year. Iv'e always felt like He draws us closer by walking us through the really tough moments- but today I read that our love is strengthened when specific prayers are answered. Feels really selfish to me- but I know His desire is to draw us in and show his love to us.

Happy Weekend everyone. Feeling really blessed.