Every little thing...is gonna be alright

I've started this post and stopped it about 111 times. Md Anderson felt like weeks and it was only days. Mema wasn't herself and if you were about to remove my bladder I think it's fair to say, I wouldn't be either. I selfishly fought my mind over and over in the weeks leading up to surgery day. I kept thinking how she wouldn't be able to lead this full life and how she wouldn't be able to hold two of the triplets without batting an eye. I kept holding onto all the what ifs we let our brains latch on to. I kept turning my head away from her when she would talk about it all. Trying to avoid her asking for my opinion.

The week before her surgery I noticed I was doing that weird thing I do when I ignore the elephant in the room. I knew she needed to see me smile and tell her it would all be good. I wanted to believe it as much as she wanted to hear it and decided lunch would make it less awkward. We went to dee's, her favorite. She made me laugh for a solid hour and I saw this beautiful woman who I wasn't ready to see go, anywhere. This woman who raised me. This strong woman who I've only see cry three times in my whole life(I cried three times last week).  I knew in that moment- the surgery was the best answer. I was at peace with her decision and with the odds we were given. I was giving it to him- all of it. 

The night before surgery I made her take this selfie with me. 

She loves selfies so it was easy. She was cool and calm. I was full of fear and terror and she all but held my hand and said it was all gonna be okay. Or course she did. She was always in charge of our relationship and our big family- why would the next day be any different. 

The night was long, no one slept and at about 3:30 am, she told me she was at total peace and was fine with the plan. We left for the hospital at 4:30am. 

The day was long and we finally got to see her doctor about 2:30 and her at about 4:30. She was great. She looked good. I left the next day for a work meeting in college station then on to Waco to see my babies. My family stayed behind and did round the clock days/nights in the hospital. They were tired and weary but kept a constant flow of pics and good news coming our way. 

She came home this past Sunday and since then she has been recovering, sleeping, doing a little rehab exercising, eating well and loving on all of us. 

I can't wait to report in a few weeks that she is back to her old routine and requesting chicken salad and a dp. Thanks for all of your support of our family with the calls, texts, messages, meals, flowers and prayers. Those prayers carried us last week and they continue to cradle us each day and night.

She's a fighter and we are grateful to have been shown this path and to be where we are.

Oh, and Riggs is happy his Mema pat is home and they all can't believe kk has been gone so long!

Happy Tuesday, friends.

Beauty

I've felt overwhelmed lately with all of hope and promise in 2014. Everyone placing their goals and resolutions for the year on all forms of media and I can barely make plans for tomorrow. Weight loss, promise to be better, a promise to work harder or a promise to eat healthier. I want all that but I feel stuck on how everything seems overwhelming and what if I fail with such big promises?

I think with the illness in our family and my busy work schedule I feel overwhelmed and outnumbered when it comes to predicting positive and hopeful plans. Don't get me wrong, I love all of the fresh starts and feeling of a clean slate for the new year- I am just having trouble shouting a full on plan from the roof top. I'm not negative- I feel positive for our future just shaky on what road to take- when. 

Today we took the kids to build a bear and since we had a lax morning and got a late start- they were already tired by the time we left the house. Build a bear took an hour and then lunch took even longer. They were exhausted and so was I. I kept asking myself why did we even leave the house? Why don't I learn that we can't have lax mornings? Why didn't I plan better? And then I remembered- beauty in all things. God wants us to see beauty in all things. He wants us to have a renewed heart and selfishly, I've been wanting to just stay in 2013 without change or growth. Without necessarily stopping to see the beauty in all things. 

Ecclesiastes 3:11

11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

2 Corinthians 4:16

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.

So today I think I will focus on just that. Beauty in all things. Finding beauty in the moments that don't feel or look beautiful and feeling grateful for these babies, the food on our table, the warm house we call our home and the family dinners we have with the people that we love. 

We have healthy two and a half year olds and a whole year to see the beauty in 2014. I will be choosing a beautiful thing to write about each month and will keep you all posted. I hope you are inspired to see beauty in our own lives. Even on the days that don't seem that beautiful... 

Here's to 2014, friends. Get your beauty on!